Dear Agony
by The Character's Death
Summary: "He tried to remember why he was doing this. It was clear he wasn't doing this for himself. He wasn't allowed to do anything for his own reasons." This one is a bit different, but just give it a shot and tell me what you think. I am not above begging, so PLEASE review! Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket...and still want to own Yuki Sohma. *Complete*
1. What Lies Beneath

He breathed slowly, closing his eyes and focusing on the air entering and exiting his lungs. Hearing the sound of the crowd had always made him nervous. Waiting to go on stage made him feel even more uneasy. He tried to remember why he was doing this. It was clear he wasn't doing this for himself. He wasn't allowed to do anything for his own reasons. Hearing a knock at the door he gave a heavy sigh, opening his eyes.

"Come in." He said softly, knowing that his voice would still be heard.

"Yuki, you're on in 10 minutes." The voice came from the other side of the open door.

"Thank you, Shigure." He responded glumly, not bothering to make eye contact with his band manager.

"Is everything okay? You need anything?" Shigure asked, taking in the melancholy affect of the young man sitting in the backstage changing room.

"I'm fine…" Yuki murmured, grabbing a glass of clear liquid and putting it to his lips.

"That had better be water, Yuki." Shigure chided, and Yuki glanced at him with a blank stare.

Yuki continued to drink, finishing the rest of his glass without taking a breath. Shigure simply watched with a dubious expression. Yuki set the glass down and closed his eyes, feeling the familiar warmth emanate from his abdomen and spread through the rest of his body. A slight smile played across his lips, he had learned to enjoy this sensation. If _he_ expected him to perform on stage as his personal money, Yuki needed an incentive. Shigure stood in the doorway for a moment before giving a huff of disapproval and closing the door to the dressing room, leaving Yuki alone.

He swiveled in the chair to face the mirror. The heavy makeup had always bothered him…always. 'It's part of the image' he had been told by his producer. The devil himself. Somehow he had always felt there was more to it then that. A reason he wanted Yuki to look so effeminate. Whatever the reason, Yuki could not deny that the fans loved it. He looked at the clock, show time. Standing up he felt his head spin, and braced himself on the wall for a moment. He had to pull himself together and get through this. Taking another breath he steadied himself, and made his way out of the room. He paused just to the left of the stage, waiting for his entrance cue. Plastering on a fake smile, he sauntered onto the stage as he was introduced.

"Thank you!" He shouted to the crowd from his headset as he waved enthusiastically to them. "Thank you all for being here. You are in for a real treat tonight. I have been working on a new song, and you are going to be the first to hear it!" With that the crowd shrieked in delight.

Yuki found his way to the middle of the stage where a stool was waiting for him. He sat, grateful that Shigure had remembered to set the stage properly, as he was in no shape to stand at the moment. The music began, and the crowd quieted in eager anticipation. Yuki closed his eyes, feeling the music move through him from the amplifiers on either side of the stage. He began, his voice velvet and flawless.

Take a breath  
Hold it in  
Start a fight  
You won't win  
Had enough  
Let's begin  
Nevermind  
I don't care

The heavy medal beat grew in intensity as he reached the chorus, his voice picking up an edge.

All in all  
You're no good  
You don't cry  
Like you should  
Let it go  
If you could  
When love dies in the end

So I'll find what lies beneath  
Your sick twisted smile  
As I lie underneath  
Your cold jaded eyes  
Now you turn the tide on me  
'Cause you're so unkind  
I will always be here  
For the rest of **_my life_**

Yuki screamed the last two words, his voice carrying effortlessly over the heavy bass. He paused, letting the music envelop him. Starting again, his voice turned velvet.

Here we go  
Does it hurt  
Say goodbye  
to this world  
I will not  
Be undone  
Come to life  
It gets worse

His face became pained, though he doubted the crowd would notice. These memories would only be seen as part of an act to entertain. His pain was their amusement, and they so enjoyed it. An edge entered his voice as he began the chorus again.

All in all  
You're no good  
You don't cry  
Like you should  
I'll be gone  
when you fall  
Your sad life  
Says it all

So I'll find what lies beneath  
Your sick twisted smile  
As I lie underneath  
Your cold jaded eyes  
Now you turn the tide on me  
'Cause you're so unkind  
I will always be here  
For the rest of my life

He took a breath, readying himself for the complicated bridge.

**_Don't_** carry me under

He screamed the lyrics as the crowd swayed in rapture to the music.

You're the devil in disguise  
**_God_** sing for the hopeless

His deep scream resonated through the large room. Why the fans loved this he still did not quite understand.

I'm the one you left behind

Relief crossed his face as he knew the song was coming to an end.

So I'll find what lies beneath  
Your sick twisted smile  
As I lie underneath  
Your cold jaded eyes  
Now you turn the tide on me  
'Cause you're so unkind  
I will always be here  
For the rest of **_my life_**

As the music faded, and finally came to a close, the crowd erupted into thunderous applause. The deafening sound made Yuki's head ache, but he opened his eyes and smiled at his fans. How they loved his misery. Another hour and a half. That was how long he needed to hold it together. The music cued back up and he began into the more familiar songs his fans adored.

The rest of the show went flawlessly, as they had all of the times before. Yuki's performance was nothing less than perfect. Exiting the stage after the show, he made his way back to the dressing room. Taking a seat in his chair he became keenly aware that he was not alone. Not looking to see who might be behind him he simply went about his business, taking off his makeup.

"Did you enjoy the show?" He asked, finally directing his gaze in the mirror to look at the man leaning against the wall behind him.

"You really need to stop writing shit about me…" The voice murmured, as the man exhaled the smoke from the cigarette in his hand.

"What makes you think my songs are about you?" Yuki stated coldly, continuing the arduous task of cleaning his face.

"Aren't they?" The man challenged, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"I thought you wanted to be my muse." Yuki stated indifferently, taking off his black spiked wrist bands.

The man approached him, cigarette in hand. His eyes were cold and merciless a small, wicked smile playing across his lips. He paused right behind Yuki, looking at him through the mirror.

"I may be your muse." He stated coldly, placing a hand on Yuki's left shoulder. "But just remember who owns you…"

With that the man took his cigarette and slowly snuffed it out on Yuki's bare right shoulder. Yuki winced slightly, but made no other sigh of pain. Something like glee flickered behind the man's cold eyes before he turned around to exit the room. Just before leaving he paused in the doorway, peering over his shoulder.

"See you around, Yuki." He said, more of a threat then a cordial farewell.

"Akito…" Was Yuki's only parting shot to his producer before he left.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "What Lies Beneath" by Breaking Benjamin. Needless to say, I don't own the song or Fruit Baskets. I used the lyrics because I have always thought they fit the Yuki/Akito relationship...and am not creative enough to have come up with my own lyrics! :) Enjoy the first chapter, and review!**


	2. Had Enough

Yuki sat in the dark on the recliner, waiting for the day to start. For as long as he could remember he had never been one to need a significant amount of sleep. However, recently, what little sleep he was usually getting had become very poor. He shrugged it off as stress and old habits. The early morning hour had never bothered him, though. He preferred being alone, it was the only time there was no pressure put on him. Light stirring came from the room down the hall, and a faint smile played at the corner of Yuki's lips. His lead guitarist, backup vocalist, and perpetual roommate, Hatsuharu, was never one to rise early. Yuki had once made the mistake, back when they had just gotten together, of rousing the man. The incident had ended with Yuki receiving seven stitches from the glass that had been hurled at his head.

They had both stayed up late working on the songs they were going to record in the studio today. Akito, ever the sadist, had pushed up the deadline of their new album. So Yuki sat in silence, letting his comrade sleep. The sun was just about to rise, and he would make some coffee. Haru liked his coffee. It would make the rest of the day more bearable.

"Yuki…" A gentle voice startled Yuki awake.

"Haru? What time is it?" He asked, rubbing his eyes, wondering when he had fallen back to sleep.

"Don't worry. We have plenty of time before we need to be at the studio." Haru assured the frazzled singer, handing him a cup of coffee.

"Thank you." Yuki murmured, sipping slowly on the coffee as Haru stared at him.

"You look like shit." He finally stated after taking a large gulp of coffee.

"Gee…thanks." Yuki rolled his eyes, focusing back on his cup.

"Just call 'em like I see 'em." He shrugged, finishing what was left in his cup before walking away.

Yuki actually enjoyed time in the studio. He always managed to get away going without makeup, though he usually wore his classic stage attire. Wearing a tight sleeveless black shirt with fitted black jeans, Yuki finished the ensemble with loosely laced, thick combat boots. All for the image, he had told himself so often that it was now habit. Yuki also wore his signature black spiked wrist bands, along with several other leather straps going up the length of his forearms. Underneath those straps held one of Yuki's darker secrets, and he preferred to keep it that way.

Haru entered the room first, not nearly as enthused as Yuki to be in the studio. He preferred the kinetic energy of their live performances. That had always been their biggest difference, and largest source of contention. Yuki was an artist, and Haru was an entertainer. Yuki followed behind him, cordially greeting all of the staff by name. Not that he was any more kind or considerate than Haru, he simply did this because it was expected of him. From a young age Yuki had learned to give people exactly what they wanted.

"Oi, Yuki!" Haru shouted form over his shoulder. "You bring anything to drink?" Yuki gave a light smile.

"Don't I always?" With that he hurled a water bottle at Haru, who effortlessly caught it without looking and put it to his lips.

"Hot damn, you always bring the best shit!" Haru grinned, taking another drink from the water bottle.

"Haru…" Yuki chided, seeing that Shigure was already eyeing the both of them.

They entered the vocal booth and got themselves comfortable, discussing song order before beginning. Akito arrived at the recording studio and stood in the corner of the control room, viewing them from the other side of the glass with a cold stare. Haru waved at him enthusiastically and Yuki snatched his wrist and forced his arm to his side. Before Haru had the chance to protest the music technician indicated that they were ready to start. Yuki and Haru put on their headphones and adjusted their microphones. The music cued up and Yuki closed his eyes, lightly bobbing his head to the music.

Milk it for all it's worth.  
Make sure you get there first.  
The apple of your eye.  
The rotten core inside.

We are all prisoners.  
Things couldn't get much worse.  
I've had it up to here.

You know your end is near.

Yuki opened his eyes to see Akito, who narrowed his icy stare, a cigarette poised gracefully between his thin fingers. He put the cigarette to his lips as the music intensified, indicating the beginning of the chorus. Yuki began, and Haru's voice blended flawlessly as they started the chorus in unison.

You had to have it all,  
Well have you had enough?  
You greedy little bastard, you will get what you deserve.

Haru gave a smirk as he jutted up his middle finger towards Akito. Shigure stood wide eyed in disbelief at the display, while the music tech stifled a snort of laughter. Akito's expression remained frigid as he slowly closed his eyes and took a drag of his cigarette. Yuki and Haru did not skip a beat as they continued the chorus.

When all is said and done,  
I will be the one,

To leave you in your misery and hate what you've become.

The music took over, then came to an abrupt stop.

"Okay guys, take a break. I need to tweak the balance before we start again." The music tech came over the headset and Akito left the room, a frazzled Shigure following after him.

"Haru, you are such an ass." Yuki murmured as he put the water bottle to his lips.

"Yeah, but I'm _your_ ass, so deal with it." Haru retorted, and Yuki gave him a harsh look.

"Oh come on!" Haru cried. "You can flip the guy off in your lyrics, but I can't do it to his face?"

Yuki's face became taut, and he found that he had no response at all to this question. What he did know, judging by the look on Akito's face, was that there would be hell to pay. There was always hell to pay…when you were actually _in_ hell.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Had Enough" by Breaking Benjamin. Look it up, it's a fantastic song! Hope you all enjoy the story so far!**


	3. Dear Agony

It hurt. He tried to focus on the music blaring in the other room as he stood in front of the bathroom mirror. His mind was reeling from what had just happened. Placing his hands on the bathroom counter to support his weight, his head hung in dejected pain. He didn't want to see. Haru had been gone by the time he had gotten back to the apartment, a fact he was grateful for now as he reluctantly assessed his reflection. He slowly took off his shirt, waves of new pain rushing through his body as he let out a low hiss. His eyes narrowed as he finally saw the end result of this mornings 'meeting'. Deep bruising and swelling traveled from the top of his hip bones to his ribcage. His body tensed, a flash of pain crossing his face, as the song in the background became eerily familiar. Hands reflexively snapped up to his ears as he squeezed his eyes shut. But the blaring sound of his own words, their truth bringing a new kind of pain, continued to bleed into his consciousness.

I have nothing left to give

I have found a perfect end

You were made to make it hurt

Disappear into the dirt

He stumbled back from the counter, his back slamming into the opposite wall as he slid to the cold tile floor below.

Carry me to heaven's arms

Light the way and let me go

Take the time to take my breath

I will end where I began

And I will find the enemy within

'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin

He curled in on himself as he pulled his knees to his chest, ignoring the searing pain in his ribs as he began to rock slowly.

Dear agony

Just let go of me

Suffer slowly

Is this the way it's got to be?

Dear agony

Hands came up, squeezing harder to his head, as tears involuntarily escaped from his eyes. Pain of the past blurring into his present pain, amplifying this most recent experience. Despite the intense pain radiating through his body the rocking intensified.

Suddenly the lights go out

Let forever drag me down

I will fight for one last breath

I will fight until the end

And I will find the enemy within

'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin

Dear agony

Just let go of me

Suffer slowly

Is this the way it's got to be?

Don't bury me

Faceless enemy

I'm so sorry

Is this the way it's got to be?

Dear agony

The rocking became even more intense, bordering on violent, as he began to slam his back into the wall. Whimpers of pain past through his lips, going unheard over the music.

Leave me alone

God, let me go

All blue and cold

Black sky will burn

Love, pull me down

Hate, lift me up

Just turn around

There's nothing left

His whimpers grew into wailing as the tears continued to stream down his cheeks.

Somewhere far beyond this world

I feel nothing anymore

Dear agony,

Just let go of me

Suffer slowly

Is this the way it's got to be?

Don't bury me

Faceless enemy

I'm so sorry

Is this the way it's got to be?

Dear agony

Screams finally found their way over the music as the rocking stopped. Back melted to the wall, the screams continued as the gravity of what had just happened to him hit full force like a sledge hammer.

I feel nothing anymore

The screaming had filled everything inside of him to the point that he had not even noticed that the music had been turned off. His eyes shot open, the screams halted, as the hot sting registered across his cheek. Haru, kneeling at his level, just stared at him in horror and confusion.

"What the hell, Yuki?" Haru shouted, and Yuki just blinked at him through the tears.

"Did…" Yuki faltered in confusion of his own as he touched his cheek. "Did you just slap me?"

"Hell yes I did!" Haru stated. "What's going on here? What happened to you?" Haru asked, finally taking in the complete picture as he eyed the severe bruising on Yuki's body.

Registering the question fresh tears found their way down Yuki's face, as he again squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head violently. In a flash Haru snatched Yuki's face in his hands, once again taking him off guard by the physical contact. Panic flooded Yuki's face, and what Haru saw was not the usual calm reserve of his roommate, but the pain and fear of a small child. He peered into Yuki's eyes, holding his face firmly between his hands, attempting to understand this drastic change in his roommate. A level of realization dawned on him as he asked his next question.

"Who is hurting you?" Haru asked slowly, making his voice calm and soothing.

"No one…I'm fine." The automatic lie came as Yuki averted his gaze, wincing in pain as he took a deep breath.

"You're in pain." Haru whispered, deciding to let Yuki keep his secret for the time being as he let go of his face, and Yuki simply nodded.

"Do you trust me?" Haru came in a low hush, the look on his face serious.

Yuki just stared at him for a moment, considering his question. Could he really trust him…he didn't know. What did Haru want from him? Everyone wanted something from him. Was Haru like all of the others? In the end, Yuki concluded that it didn't really matter. Whatever Haru wanted, Yuki figured he would just end up taking it anyway.

"Yes." Yuki answered hollowly, resignation in his voice.

"I'll be right back. Meet me in the living room." And with that Haru helped Yuki off of the floor and left.

Yuki put his shirt back on and made his way to the living room to take a seat on the sofa. Physically and emotionally exhausted from the day, he closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the sofa. His eyes opened as Haru entered the room moments later. Yuki tensed as he saw what Haru was holding in his hand. The look on Haru's face was calm, yet guarded.

"Do you trust me?" He asked again, and Yuki eyed the thin elastic band and syringe in Haru's hand. "This will make you feel better." He promised, taking a seat next to Yuki.

Yuki looked from Haru's face to the syringe and back, wondering exactly what it was that Haru was offering him…and what he wanted in return. Escape…was Haru offering him an escape? If that was the case, Yuki found that he didn't care what Haru wanted in return, he would take his offer. Yuki wanted to 'feel better', and if that was what Haru was offering he would gladly take it.

"Yeah, I trust you." Yuki stated with more conviction as he nodded his head.

With that Haru went to work gently tying the elastic band around Yuki's bicep. He then began to push down on the leather bands around Yuki's forearm. In an instant Yuki's hand was over the straps, halting Haru's efforts. Haru gently placed his hand on Yuki's wrist.

"It's okay." He said in a soothing voice. "You're okay." And with little effort Haru was able to move Yuki's hand.

"Are you ready?" Haru asked, the syringe now in his hand, and Yuki nodded without hesitation.

The needle pushed into the flesh of Yuki's arm, making him wince. He watched as Haru slowly pushed the brown substance down out of the syringe. Warmth traveled up his arm, pleasant at first, but began to grown in intensity making him feel as through he was burning from the inside. A small whimper escaped his lips, and before he could cry out the pain vanished and he felt…_nothing_. He blinked, the haze clouding his mind a welcomed relief. As the feeling of numbness traveled through his body his eyes glazed over, and Haru's face grew fuzzy in his line of sight.

"What did you give me?" Yuki worded breathlessly, feeling himself become weak.

"Hush now…" Haru cooed, helping Yuki lay down on the sofa to rest his head on Haru's lap. "Sleep." He prompted, running his finger's through Yuki's hair.

"Haru…" Yuki whispered, his eyes fluttering against sleep. "Why does Akito hate me?" And Haru's free hand clenched into a fist.

"Because you have more talent in your pinky finger then he will ever have in his whole being. He is so pissed that he can't _be_ you that he is determined to make you his bitch." His voice came harsh, finally comprehending what Yuki couldn't tell him.

"Haru," Yuki began again, his voice almost inaudible. "Do you love me?"

"Okay." Haru chuckled lightly at this question, forgetting his anger as he continued to absentmindedly run his fingers through Yuki's hair. "Remind me to give you a little less Smack next time." Haru looked down at Yuki to see that his eyes were wide open now, searching for a serious answer.

"You know that I do." Came Haru's answer, and Yuki closed his eyes again as a look of contentment washed over his face.

"Rest now." Haru whispered again, and this time Yuki complied as he slipped into nothingness.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Dear Agony" by Breaking Benjamin. Please read and review my story! If you don't, I can't be held responsible for what happens to poor Yuki...**

**And before you guys ask...no, no yaoi here, just a very close relashionship...on drugs! xD**


	4. Fade Away

**I lovingly dedicate this chapter to my crazy-ass Canadian friend, Whispers and Rain. We seem to be polar opposites on most everything (Pain vs. Love, America vs. Canada, Edward vs. Jacob, Yuki vs. Kyo, and the list goes on.). Yet, her unconditional support of this wildly outlandish story continues to both baffle and humble me. Thank you for putting up with my crazy, sometimes violent, antics and love of Yuki over Kyo! May our mutual love of Fruits Basket never fade, and the wingless bats never catch us as we run like hell for our lives!**

* * *

Akito was doing this to him on purpose, he was certain of it. He sighed as he finished off what was left in his glass, giving a disapproving glance at his reflection before getting up to leave the dressing room. Walking slowly, trying to maintain some semblance of balance, he went to go find Haru first. If he was being forced to meet with the lucky fans who had won all access back stage passes, he sure as hell wasn't doing it alone. Eyes cast down as he made his way through the corridor, the impact of the sudden collision nearly made him fall to the floor as he braced himself against the wall. Taken completely off guard, he quickly surveyed the area for the source of the collision. Finally pinpointing what he had run into, he was relatively certain that the crumpled mass on the floor was a girl.

"Sorry about that." Yuki said, his tone gentle and sincerely apologetic.

"Oh no!" Her words came in a frantic rush. "I'm so sorry! I should have been looking where I was going!" She looked up at him, her face the most brilliant shade of crimson as she finally realized who she had run into.

"Are you alight?" Yuki asked, attempting to suppress the smile threatening to break across his face as he extended his hand to help her up.

"Yeah." She whimpered, embarrassment deepening her blush as she reluctantly took his hand. "I'm actually use to falling down." She mumbled, averting her gaze, and Yuki couldn't help but let out a light chuckle.

"Sorry." He apologized again, trying not to offend the already mortified girl. "So what brings you back stage?" Yuki continued politely in an attempt to put the girl at ease.

"I'm actually looking for my friends." She said. "They won backstage passes to meet you, and…" She continued a little sheepishly. "I got lost."

"I see." Came Yuki's response. "Shall we go find them, then?" He asked, offering his arm to escort her.

"Really?" She squeaked nervously.

"I figure it's the least I can do after knocking you down." He smiled warmly at her, and with that she slowly took his arm as he lead her down the corridor.

As they walked in silence, Yuki took in the girl's appearance with a side glance. She certainly wasn't one of his typical fans. He noticed the feminine, almost childish blue ribbons tied in her hair first. Dressed in a pastel yellow blouse, denim skirt, and knee-high socks with plain tennis shoes made her a far cry from a heavy medal groupie. It took her a while to notice that he had been looking at her, and as she finally became aware of this fact the self-conscious blush returned to her cheeks. He simply responded by giving her a reassuring smile.

Yuki found himself surprised by the fact that he was actually enjoying the company of this strange girl, and a part of him hoped she wouldn't notice how he was using her to steady himself as they walked. He finally spotted Haru talking to two girls; a blond Yankee thug and a severe looking Goth. Yeah…those were his normal fans. The Goth girl noticed the two of them approaching first, and the others followed her gaze. All three of them gave a dubious and slightly shocked look at Yuki and the strange girl. Yuki finally realized how strange they must have looked walking together, as he was still in his complete stage attire with full makeup. The strange girl flashed them a bright, cheery, smile as she waved with her free arm and Yuki guessed that these two girls must be the friends she had been trying to find.

"Tohru, where have you been?" The blond Yankee asked, protective concern in her voice.

"We tried looking for you, but I couldn't locate your electric signal." The Goth girl deadpanned, and it dawned on Yuki that she was serious.

"Sorry guys." The strange girl on his arm apologized as her smile became sheepish. "I kind of got lost."

"Again?" The blond Yankee furrowed her thin eyebrows in amused disbelief.

"I take it that happens a lot?" Came Yuki's response, a small smile playing at the corner of his black lips, and her two friends simply nodded.

"And where the hell have _you_ been?" Haru asked, slight agitation in his voice as he eyed Yuki still linked to the strange girl. "I was starting to think you were going to make me to do this all by myself." Yuki remained silent, not bothering to tell him that was exactly what he had been planning to do.

"I was on my way to find you…" Yuki finally spoke, ignoring the look of disbelief Haru shot him. " and I ended up running into, Tohru, was it?" He asked, looking down at the girl as she nodded, not bothering to elaborate just how literal this scenario had actually been. "She told me she was looking for her friends and I offered to help her find them." He finished with a shrug, not particularly caring that Haru wasn't buying his story.

"Thank you for taking such good care of our dear Tohru." The Goth girl came in monotone, offering Yuki a slightly unsettling smile which he returned with a nod.

"These are the best friends in the _entire_ world." Tohru came cheerfully. "This is Ou." She indicated the blond Yankee, who shot her fist into the air. "And this is Hana." She then indicated the Goth girl, who simply stared straight-faced at Yuki.

Yuki began to ponder how such an innocent looking girl could have possibly been befriended by such clearly polar opposite people. There was certainly no denying that there was _something_ about her that caused an instantaneous gravitational pull, but Yuki couldn't quite put his finger on what that was. However, his meditation was cut short once he finally registered the look on Haru's face. It was one of _those_ looks. Which meant Haru was in one of _those_ moods. Moods which , although not entirely frequent in their appearance, always seemed to manifest when women seemed to take even the least amount of interest in Yuki. And sure enough, Haru opened his big mouth.

"Well, well…" Haru began in a dubious tone, practically leering at Tohru as he sauntered towards the two of them. "You _must_ be the sweetest little flower if you managed to make a gentleman out of my Yuki." He shot Yuki a brief, mischievous, glance before continuing. "But I will have you know that I'm a _whole_ lot more fun than he is…" He flashed a very suggestive smile at her, causing her to let out the most adorable nervous giggle.

"Fun?" Yuki challenged in a serious tone, seeing exactly where this was going. "You hate everything and everyone." And with that Haru feigned a hurt look.

"That's not entirely true, Yuki." He said, and his expression suddenly turned lustful as he took Yuki's chin delicately between his thumb and forefinger. "I like you…" He purred seductively, inches from Yuki's face.

"Haru, don't be gay." Yuki retorted with a scowl, un-amused by his roommate's antics, as he lightly slapped Haru's hand away.

"Ouch!" Haru exclaimed, shaking his hand dramatically as if he had been hurt. "You're so _feisty_." He grinned cheekily.

"And you're an ass." Yuki shot back.

"Oh baby! I love it when you talk nasty to me!" Haru squealed in ecstasy, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Haru, cut it out or I will cut you off." Yuki spat, finding his roommate's mood insufferable.

"Awe, have my words made you angry?" Haru spoke sweetly, failing miserably at hiding the patronizing undertone of his words.

The three girls just stood by, stunned, as Haru began to howl with laughter at Yuki's reaction. Yuki was poised to open his painted lips with another comeback to end the increasingly awkward banter when he was stopped by the bellowing that erupted from across the room.

"Sohma!" The angry growl caused the whole group to turn their heads in the direction of the source.

"Oh hey, Carrot Top. Was wondering when you'd show up." Ou stated, causing the orange haired man to bristle as she chuckled.

"Hey, Kyo!" Tohru waved with her free arm, innocently oblivious that she was still linked to Yuki by the other.

"Kyonkichi? Is that really you?" An amused smirk formed across Yuki's face as the orange haired man stalked over to him, getting in his face.

"What the hell, Sohma!" He jabbed his finger in Yuki's face. "What the _hell _are you doing with _my_ girlfriend?" His jealous gaze flashed over to Tohru, who blushed as she finally realized the awkward situation she was in.

Tohru went to move away from Yuki when the arm she was linked to nimbly maneuvered around her waist. She let out a small squeak as she was drawn even deeper into Yuki's side in a possessive hold.

"I haven't done anything with her…" Yuki began, managing a straight face as he maintained a deceptively strong grip on Tohru. "Yet…" He finished flatly, causing an amused snicker to escape Haru's lips.

"Wait a minute…" Ou said as she observed their interaction. "You two _know_ each other?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"You could say that." Yuki replied nonchalantly. "We attended the same high school."

"Really?" Ou replied, finding herself intrigued. "Let me guess." She began. "Kyo was the big bad jock, and you were the music geek. He use to give you swirlies and now he's just bitter because you're famous and he's a deadbeat!" She finally nodded her head, as if this scenario explained a lot about Kyo's current personality.

"Well, not exactly." Yuki stated, eyeing Kyo with an amused smirk. "You want to tell them, or shall I?" He asked, beginning again before Kyo could respond.

"I was definitely a music geek and, believe it or not, the president of our high school counsel." He began, musing to himself. "Though, why they ever voted for me is still a mystery." He mumbled to himself and finally shrugged, getting back to his story. "Anyway, moving on."

"And I suppose you could say that Kyo was a jock. Though, in my opinion, not a very good one." He flashed a smile as Kyo's face burned bright red. "But as I recall there were never any swirlies." He became pensive. "No…if memory serves me right, I pretty much just kicked your ass."

"Like hell you did, you bastard!" Kyo growled, clenching his fist.

"Oh no?" Yuki challenged, raising an eyebrow.

"That's it!" Kyo screamed. "I'm gonna break that pretty-boy face!" He spat, causing Haru to let out a cat call.

"Woo! I _knew_ I wasn't the only dude to think you have a damn sexy face!" Haru playfully shouted from behind Yuki, who turned his head to give a startlingly violent glare causing Haru to physically recoil.

"Fine." Yuki's voice came like ice as he finally released Tohru, who was immediately scooped up protectively between Ou and Hana. "If it's a fight you are begging for, I'll give you what you want." His expression became hard as his gaze narrowed on Kyo. "But don't blame me when I make you cry like a bitch."

Kyo's eyes flared as he gritted his teeth. Yuki knew he would make the first move, so he simply waited. As predicted Kyo recklessly charged forward, his fists ready to make contact, as he suddenly flew straight past Yuki. Yuki simply smirked at his own deflection. He had always been the faster of the two. He waited again, not even bothering to turn around, as Kyo went to attack his back. With another side step Yuki managed to grab the back of Kyo's neck, pushing him to his knees as he stumbled forward. Kyo looked up, completely enraged at the expression on Yuki's face as he realized Yuki wasn't even _trying_. Kyo jumped up and flew towards Yuki. Either Kyo had improved his skills since their last sparring match, or Yuki had drank more than he had realized, because the next blow very nearly found it's mark.

Adrenaline flooded Yuki's system as a momentary panic ran though his body. His eyes dilated, the old familiar feeling of weakness sweeping over him. Yuki was tired of feeling powerless. The feeling of complete helplessness quickly grew into an intense rage. Yuki was done. He wanted control, and he wanted someone to hurt. Yuki saw his opening as Kyo again went to close the distance. In a flash Yuki snapped up his leg, smashing his boot into Kyo's jaw with a sickening thud. Kyo hit the floor, face first, as Haru let out a resounding howl.

"Oh! Man down!" He said, gruffly putting his arm around Yuki. "Saw that one coming, bitch!" He jutted his finger towards the crumpled mass on the floor.

Yuki's vision began to blur as he felt the overwhelming rage burning beneath his flesh. He wasn't done yet. He wanted more. More pain. Yuki glared down at the man on the floor, finding it nearly impossible to suppress the desire to inflict serious bodily harm, until Tohru moved into his line of sight to curl protectively around the man on the floor. When she looked up at him, a wave of horror washed over Yuki as he recognized the expression on her face. It was _his_ face. The face he wore every single time it happened. The complete fear in her eyes nearly knocked him back as he leaned into Haru. Haru wrapped his arms around Yuki's shoulders , steadying him as he rested his chin on Yuki's shoulder to peer at Kyo.

"What do you say?" His voice came low and soothing. "We done here?" An amused smile played across his face as Yuki nodded.

"Yeah. I believe we are." Yuki answered, his voice hollow and sad as he felt his words mean so much more.

Haru lead Yuki away from the scene with an arm around his shoulder as Yuki took one last glance back at the girl he would never seen again. Haru left him alone in the apartment to pursue his own fun, never really knowing how to interact with Yuki when he was this morose. And Yuki found he preferred it this way. He grabbed the bottle on the counter, not bothering with a glass. Haru always made him do the dishes, which meant that the dishes never got done. Yuki made his way to the recliner with the bottle in one hand and something else in the other. He set the bottle down on the side table and curled himself tightly into the recliner to set to work. Taking the piece of paper and pen he rested them on the arm of the chair to write. The face came back to his mind, and he shook his head, desperately wanting to see the girl again. To somehow put the smile from earlier back on her face. Why? What was it about her that made him want this so badly? Cold inspiration came over him as he began to write. Amazingly, he wrote about _her_.

I'm cold and broken

It's over

I didn't want to see it come to this  
I wonder

If I will ever see your face again  
And I know

That I will find a way to shed my skin  
It's simple

I know that I will suffer in the end

Fast I fade away  
It's almost over  
Hold on  
Slow I suffocate  
I'm cold and broken  
Alone

He read the final word on the page before his concentration was broken by light knocking at the door. He let out a sigh. This was the third time this week that Haru had forgotten his keys and couldn't get back into the apartment. Yuki stood up slowly and took his time unlocking the door. It was Haru's own fault, so he could wait. As he opened the door a familiar face greeted him with a beautifully malicious smile.

"Yuki." The voice said, a slight chuckle following at the look of horror on his face.

"Akito." Yuki began, as Akito stood outside the door simply observing him. "What do you want?" He asked, wondering exactly what time it was.

"We need to _chat_." Akito stated, a dangerous edge in his quiet tone as he let himself in and closed the door.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Fade Away" by Breaking Benjamin. If you are following this story, you may be noticing a theme! xD Sorry about this chapter being almost twice as long as the others, or maybe that is a good thing, but it explains the delay in the update! xD Enjoy!**


	5. Breath

It had been weeks since Akito's late night visit, and Yuki still couldn't quite remember what had happened. But every time he looked at Akito, he knew. He knew _something_ had happened. Every glance, every smile, every passing moment was like another nail in Yuki's coffin, and it was beginning to suffocate him. He was a whipped dog on a chain, with no escape, and he could feel Akito enjoying every moment of this torture. It was a cruel guessing game in which Akito already had all of the answers, dangling them just out of Yuki's reach, and he knew Akito would drag this out as long as he wanted to. Even Haru began to notice that there was definitely something going on between his roommate and the devil incarnate.

Haru and Yuki stood outside the control room, talking to the music tech about the composition and mix of the tracks they had worked on earlier. The door opened slowly, and all eyes glanced to the person entering the room. Yuki found himself holding his breath as his heart began to race, and Haru immediately picked up on the sudden tension in the room.

"Akito." Yuki's voice came much weaker than he had intended, sickened at the sudden thrill in Akito's eyes at hearing his own name whispered on Yuki's lips.

"Haru." Akito replied, not bothering to look at the person he was addressing.

"Yes, Satan." Haru retorted, and Akito gave a slight smile at this, finding he did not entirely dislike Haru's reaction as he kept his cold gaze on Yuki.

"I'm going to borrow Yuki for a moment." He said, making it clear that this was not a request as he watched the color drain from Yuki's face. "We have business to discuss." And with that he extended his hand, beckoning Yuki to his side with an expression that said it was unwise to refuse him.

They walked to Akito's office in silence, each heartbeat pounding in his head as Yuki desperately tried to find a way to run. As they entered the room Akito shut the door behind them with a resounding finality, the last nail driven into the coffin. Akito took a seat in a plush chair positioned in front of the large bay window, causing him to silhouette into shadow with the sunlight. Yuki saw his gesture to sit, and his body responded like lead as he complied. His eyes squinted against the sunlight, as his vision struggled to adjust in order to register what he was looking at. The moment of silence that followed seemed like an eternity as Yuki felt Akito's oppressive gaze. His mind raced, forming questions he did not want the answers to but felt compelled to ask. As his vision finally adjusted against the light, Yuki registered the amused look on Akito's face and his stomach churned.

"Akito, what did you do?" He whispered, the words spilling out of his lips of their own accord, and Akito let out a startlingly attractive laugh that filled Yuki with a sense of dread.

"What did you do?" He asked again, hysteria bubbling up in his voice.

"Why, whatever makes you think _I_ did something?" Akito chuckled, watching realization finally dawn on Yuki.

"…what did I do…" Yuki whimpered in horror as he frantically tried to remember exactly what had happened.

"Not surprising that you don't remember, really." Akito began slowly, a chill now in his velvet voice as he grabbed the pack of cigarettes on the nearby side table. "You were pretty well plastered." All trace of amusement gone from his voice as he lit a cigarette from the pack.

"Though, with what you shared it's no wonder you're a raving drunk." His words came in an exhale of smoke, cold and unsympathetic as he watched Yuki slowly process the situation.

"What did I _tell_ you?" Yuki asked weakly, finding it hard to catch his breath as Akito spoke one, clear, word.

"…Everything…" Yuki's head swam as he felt himself growing dizzy, words he had written long ago playing in his mind.

I see nothing in your eyes,

And the more I see the less I like.

Is it over yet,

In my head?

"Everything?" Yuki breathed, trying to comprehend the gravity of what that meant.

I know nothing of your kind,

And I won't reveal your evil mind

Is it over yet?

I can't win.

"It's simply astounding that you haven't just killed yourself." Akito stated, his eyes flickered to Yuki's arms as he took another drag of his cigarette. "Though, not for lack of trying." His voice came low as he raised an eyebrow. "Just like dear old Mommy, no?" His tone patronizing as he exhaled more smoke, a wicked smile forming on his lips at Yuki's shocked expression.

So sacrifice yourself,

And let me have what's left.

I know that I can find,

The fire in your eyes.

I'm going all the way,

Get away, please.

"Now, I really don't blame her for that one…" His words came like daggers plunging into Yuki's skin. "After all, you sent your own father to prison and left her to raise you alone." And Yuki's eyes grew large with fresh shock and horror.

You take the breath right out of me.  
You left a hole where my heart should be.  
You got to fight just to make it through,  
'cause I will be the death of you.

"No." He whispered, his eyes begging Akito to stop.

This will be all over soon.

Pour salt into the open wound.

Is it over yet?

Let me in.

"I just wonder how frequently you let it happen before saying anything…" Akito mused, ignoring Yuki's plea, as he watched a single tear trail down Yuki's cheek. "Damn…that often, huh?" His look became amused.

So sacrifice yourself,

And let me have what's left.

I know that I can find

The fire in your eyes.

I'm going all the way,

Get away, please.

"I can't bring myself to blame him, either, you know." He continued, sick glee flickering behind his cold gaze as he took another drag from the cigarette poised in his thin fingers. "With that face…I bet he just couldn't help himself."

You take the breath right out of me.  
You left a hole where my heart should be.  
You got to fight just to make it through,  
'cause I will be the death of you.

"Please." Yuki pleaded, wishing that Akito would just beat him instead. "Stop."

I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating.

"If your mother had loved you at all, she wouldn't have left you alone with him." His words came like ice, and in his heart Yuki no longer argued with the logic of Akito's words. "And then she goes and kills herself, leaving you to be raised by strangers in foster home after foster home." He stated matter-of-factly. "And you know what, my pet?" His eyes narrowed as he watched Yuki slip into a submissive helplessness. "None of them loved you, either." He whispered, and Yuki let out a sigh as everything he had ever believed was confirmed right before his eyes.

You take the breath right out of me.  
You left a hole where my heart should be.  
You got to fight just to make it through,  
'cause I will be the death of you.

Akito snuffed out his spent cigarette as he stood, and Yuki did not even notice that he moved to kneel in front of him. A gentle hand brushed a tear away, finally resting tenderly on his cheek, and Yuki's eyes focused on Akito's face which was now inches from his. The look Akito wore was one of false sympathy, but Yuki found it beautiful anyway.

"Tell me, my pet." He cooed, his eyebrows furrowing into a sad expression. "What does it feel like to be so unloved?"

"Why are you doing this to me, Akito?" Yuki breathed, his voice fragile as he searched Akito's eyes for the answer.

"It's simple, really." Akito stated. "Because you allow it." His face shifting to stone as his voice came just above a whisper. "Just like you allowed your father to violate you and your mother to die." Yuki absorbed these words like blows as they rushed through his body.

"You see." Akito continued. "The funny thing about the devil." He looked deep into Yuki's eyes, then moved his lips inches from Yuki's ear. "Is you have to invite him in." He whispered, giving Yuki a gentle kiss on his cheek, and Yuki felt himself go numb.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin. Please let me know if this chapter warrants a warning or something for content! **


	6. Follow

**This chapter is lovingly dedicated to my friend Kon13, who freely and willingly participated in what can only be described as the most bizarre contest known to man. To play judge in a contest where the winner is chosen by the amount of tears the judge sheds means more to me than words can say. I am truly humbled, (maybe a little disturbed?) that I was chosen the winner, against the amazing Whispers and Rain, by being the one to make you cry the hardest. I would apologize for dragging you into these types of shenanigans, but then that would mean I was actually sorry…which I am not!**

* * *

The desire was as single minded as it was alluring. He wanted to die. He had crossed that line before, so he figured the hardest part had already been accomplished. All he needed was a plan. He could drink himself to death, but that thought seemed far too painful. It would take too long.

Akito was growing frighteningly…_creative_…in his forms of torment. Yuki felt it might only be a matter of time before Akito claimed his life with his own hands, but somehow Yuki couldn't bring himself to feel the fear he knew he should. He just felt so…numb. Then it occurred to him. Maybe _that_ was his way out. Yuki could simply _allow_ Akito to do it, to get so drunk that he couldn't fight Akito off. Just let Akito do it, he kept thinking to himself. It might actually make them both happy.

He stepped off the path to sit on a nearby bench, looking out over to the river. As the sun set the sky in a spectacular array of red, pink, and orange, he went over this new…plan. Relatively confident he could provoke Akito to a point where he would actually kill him, Yuki began to wonder. Would it hurt? Probably not, he speculated. He planned on being drunk or high, so he probably wouldn't feel much of anything. Then an even more horrifying thought came to mind…would anyone miss him?

His fans might mourn for him the moment they heard the news, but that would be it. They wouldn't really miss him. They would move on. Haru might miss him, Yuki conceded. He had told him he loved him, but Yuki was still uncertain if he actually believed that. And Shigure was such a sycophant that he might actually _help_ Akito cover up the act. He gave a sigh, bringing his knees to his chest, resigned to the fact that he would leave this world as cold and alone as he felt now. A walking corpse. He hadn't even noticed anyone approach the bench until it was too late.

"Excuse me?" He kept his gazed fixated on the water, hoping that ignoring the person would make them go away as he hummed a song in his head to block them out

I'm losing sight  
Don't count on me

"Excuse me." The voice came a little louder, as if the person had moved closer to him.

I chase the sun  
It chases me

Yuki hugged his knees tighter, resting his chin on them as he closed his eyes. He knew it probably looked childish, but he was busy. He didn't want to be bothered by a petty request to sigh an autograph. Not now. He had plans. Surprise took him as he felt a hand gently touch his shoulder. This had gone too far. He held his breath and his body tightened as he slowly opened his eyes to give the intruder a side glance. The eyes he met were overwhelmed with a look of fear.

You know my name  
You know my face

"Oh wow…you're _really_ mad." The voice squeaked, and Yuki felt himself reflexively relax as a sad smile played on his lips.

You'd know my heart  
If you knew my place

"Tohru?" His voice came as a quiet whisper, not entirely sure he had gotten her name right but knew he remembered her face.

I walked straight down  
As far as I can go

"Are…" She stammered, still quite unsettled. "Are you okay?" She finished, letting her hand fall away from his shoulder.

Yuki let out a sigh, averting his gaze. He wasn't entirely sure how to answer her question. Truth? If only she knew. Knew where he was right now. What he was thinking. Just _being_ next to her made him fear that he might somehow infect her with this… darkness. In the silence he could feel her gentle gaze still on him, waiting. He finally met her gaze and was stunned by the unwavering warmth of her eyes. Before he even knew what was happening he felt the truth pulled from his lips.

"No." He sighed. "I'm cursed." the whisper came, once again breaking his gaze from hers. "Damned, really." The truth of his own words crushed him as he fell into silence, placing his chin back on his knees.

The silence was suddenly broken by the sound of her laughter, so beautiful it made him ache. Had Yuki been capable of imagining what happiness sounded like, he could only guess it would have been her laugh. The fact that his open declaration of misery made her _happy_ angered him. He had not intended his words to be funny. A scowl formed across his face that seemed to cause the laugher to cease. Finally bringing himself to look at her again, he was taken off guard by what he saw. Although she had stopped laughing, the most stunning smile still graced her lips. The smile he had seen before, the one he had hoped to see again. Was it back on her lips because of _him_? He found himself stupefied, but before he could open his mouth, she began to speak.

"No. I don't think that's it at all." She said cheerily, shaking her head. "I think you're just a little lost right now." Her smile widened as she got up from the bench. "Come on!" An open hand extended in his direction as confusion flooded his face. "Let me help you find your way back home."

"…my way…back…" Yuki whispered, and Tohru simply nodded.

"It's the least I can do." She giggled, seeing that the familiar words weren't quite registering. "For helping me find my friends." She finished.

"Friends." Yuki echoed, still not moving to accept the invitation.

"Yeah." Tohru nodded warmly, continuing to patiently hold her hand out to him. "It kind of looks like you could use one right now." Her overpowering kindness and innocence were so completely intoxicating, and Yuki felt the same undefined gravitational pull as his hand finally found hers.

I follow you,  
You follow me

She helped him up from the bench and they began to walk slowly hand in hand as she lead him back onto the path.

I don't know why  
You lie so clean

I'll break right through

The irony

In the silence, the thoughts and words in Yuki's mind began to echo and form a new desire in his heart.

Enlighten me  
Reveal my fate

Just cut these strings  
That hold me safe

The sensation of his hand in hers was unlike anything he had ever experienced in his life. He felt…safe. Grounded. As they continued to walk together Yuki began to long for something he hadn't wanted in such a long time.

You know my head  
You know my face

You'd know my heart  
If you knew your place

I walked straight down  
As far as I can go

He wanted to live. To live…for her. He would do that for her, this strange girl that held such an attraction for him. With her by his side he found he could finally breath, that he _wanted_ to breath.

I follow you  
You follow me

I don't know why  
You lie so clean

I'll break right through

The irony

As they finally arrived at the steps to his apartment she suddenly paused, reclaiming the hand in Yuki's to find her cell phone. She dialed a number, the smile still playing across her lips as someone answered on the other end.

"Hey Kyo." Tohru chimed, and Yuki felt his heart sink. "Yeah, I know I was suppose to be off work by now." She began. "No. I'm fine. I just ran into a friend. They need my help, so I'll be staying with them for the night." Her eyes met Yuki's as her smile broadened. "Yeah, you can come pick me up tomorrow morning." And with that she eyed Yuki's front door, reading off the address, and hung up the phone.

"You're…staying?" Yuki stammered, completely baffled.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, her cheeks burning a beautiful crimson. "I really should have asked first." She said in a rush of embarrassment. "I'll just be on my way then." And she began to move down the steps as a strong hand snatched her wrist.

"No!" Yuki said, a little more loudly then he had intended, startling her. "Please…stay." His eyes burned into hers, pleading.

"Okay…" She said as she finally caught her breath, and the grip on her wrist immediately relaxed.

As they entered his apartment Yuki found himself almost giddy that Haru was gone. Looking at the clock, he finally realized how late it really was, and how exhausted he truly felt. Embarrassment washed over him as he realized that, after convincing her to stay, all he really wanted to do was be alone and sleep. Why had he invited her in? And he couldn't very well ask her to leave now. Yuki let out a sigh, feeling like an idiot.

"Hey, Tohru." His voice came above a whisper, unable to meet her gaze. "I think I'm just going to go to bed." He said. "…But…you can help yourself to anything you want. Please, make yourself at home." He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well…" Her voice was sweet as she spoke. "I could use something to sleep in." She gave out a giggle as she watched Yuki blush.

"Oh…" He whispered as it finally sunk in that she was really staying the night. "Okay. Let me go find something."

Dismissing himself to his room Yuki found an old shirt and some boxers. He figured that the boxers were close enough to shorts, and would be appropriate for sleeping. He then took the opportunity to change himself before going back out into the living room. Tohru was already making herself a makeshift bed on his sofa, and Yuki automatically felt awful about her sleeping on the couch.

"You know, you can sleep in my bed if you want." And Yuki realized that his words had come out the wrong way as he registered the look on her face. "No, no!" he stammered, feeling even worse. "I mean, I don't mind taking the sofa tonight." He sighed, casting his eyes to the floor in embarrassment.

"Oh." She said, a sweet giggle escaping her lips. "No, I'm fine with the sofa." She smiled, and Yuki found himself suddenly at ease.

Yuki had never felt this peaceful before. Dismissing himself for the night, he crawled under his covers, a warmth spreading across him that he simply could not explain. Just the fact that she was really here, with him, seemed to drive away the very darkness that had plagued him for such a long time. He closed his eyes, feeling the weight of the day sink him into sleep as he curled in on himself.

Yuki's eyes suddenly shot open as he registered a presence on top of the blankets next to him. In the dark, momentary panic swept over him as he realized he wasn't alone in his bed. Yuki's heart pounded in his head but he remained motionless, sensing the presence settling behind him into stillness. His mind racing, Yuki took deep breaths to calm himself as the smell of strawberries invaded his senses, bringing him back to reality. He let out a deep sigh as he felt his heart finally slow.

"Tohru." He sighed, his voice coming just above a whisper, causing a giggle to manifest behind him.

"I'm here." Her gentle voice came, and Yuki felt a sudden surge of comfort flow through him at her words.

"Why?" Yuki wondered aloud to himself, not really expecting an answer.

"Because you invited me, silly!" She giggled in the dark, her voice coming like chimes.

Sudden realization hit Yuki that if the devil needed to be invited in, then maybe...just maybe an angel might accept an invitation too.

"Thank you." Yuki breathed, finally closing his eyes. "I've never had this before."

"Um…a girl in your bed?" She asked, genuine innocence in her voice, causing Yuki to chuckle.

"No." He said, smiling to himself in the dark, he had had plenty of those. "A friend." With that he felt a gentle arm wrap around his shoulder as she moved closer to him, a comfortable silence filling the room as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics ****in this chapter are from the song "Follow" by Breaking Benjamin. And a special thank you to all who have been following the story thus far.**


	7. Call Me Maybe

**As promised, with another Kyo cameo comes another dedication to my dear friend, Whispers and Rain. I have come to find out that there is more bringing us together than tearing us apart: such as our mutual love for Golden Girls, Betty White, grilled cheese sandwiches, and ****_again_**** the list goes on. Thank you for continuing to keep me humble with each kind review, and your unwavering enthusiasm for this story. May we be old enough to know better, but immature enough to do it anyway!**

* * *

Opening his eyes slowly, Yuki stretched his stiff limbs from the fetal position he had been sleeping in. He gave a slow, groggy smile as memories from the night before flooded his mind. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so well. Suddenly his attention was caught by the fact that he was alone. The smile faded from his face at the realized that she had left. Of course she had left him. He couldn't give her a single reason to stay. Irritation washed over him at the fact that he had actually believed the stupid idea that she would have been here when he woke up.

Gaining awareness of his surroundings, he suddenly realized he could hear what could only be described as really _awful _'Pop' music coming from somewhere in his apartment. His curiosity peeked, he got out of the bed and quietly made his way to the source. Pausing at the threshold of his kitchen his heart thrilled at the scene unfolding in front of him. She was really here. She had stayed. Tohru was at the stove with her back to him, completely oblivious to the fact that he was watching her. Still in the shirt and boxers he had let her borrow the night before, she was dancing and singing along to the radio while preparing breakfast. Her voice came just above the music as she sang out the chorus to the song on the radio.

Hey, I just met you,  
And this is crazy,  
But here's my number,  
So call me, maybe!

Yuki had to cover his mouth in order not to give himself away with a laugh as he continued to watch her dance around the kitchen.

It's hard to look right  
At you baby,  
But here's my number,  
So call me, maybe!

At that Yuki could no longer contain himself as he began to chuckle lightly, causing Tohru to jump as she let out a startled squeak. This only made Yuki laugh a little louder as the music continued to play softly in the background.

"You…" He chuckled as he tried to regain his composure. "You are a _terrible_ singer, Tohru!" He finished, causing Tohru's cheeks to blush crimson.

" I didn't realize I had woken you up." She began, embarrassed. "I'm sorry." Yuki's expression became gentle at hearing her sincere apology.

"That's alright, I'm usually up by now anyway." He said, then his look became more serious. "But…you _might_ want to turn off that music before Haru hears it." And with that, a frightening scream ripped through the apartment.

"What the FUCK is that _shit_!" Yuki simply sighed in response, putting his hand to his forehead.

"Too late…" He murmured. "Don't worry, I'll handle this." He continued reassuringly, taking in Tohru's frightened expression.

Knowing Haru the current situation could turn very ugly, so Yuki knew he had to act quickly. Yuki moved into the kitchen and placed his back against the wall, causing Tohru to give him a bewildered look. His only response to her was a finger placed on his lips, indicating she should remain quiet. Yuki listened as heavy footsteps made their way to the kitchen. Haru was definitely in a _bad_ mood, and Yuki needed to find a way to defuse the situation. And there was the little issue of getting even with him for his poor manners around Tohru the first time they had met.

Haru stepped through the threshold of the kitchen, and in a flash two strong hands grabbed him by the shirt and swung him around, slamming his back into the wall with a loud thud. His eyes met Yuki's, the color in his face completely drained by the terrifying expression on Yuki's face. Yuki's words came deliberate, in a low hiss that caused Haru to gasp.

"You will watch your mouth." He spat, thoroughly enjoying himself as an impish grin twitched at the corner of his lips. "When there is a _lady_ in the house." Yuki's expression now completely amused at the look of complete shock on Haru's face as his eyes slowly looked over Yuki's shoulder at Tohru.

"Damn it, Yuki!" He whined in horror. "You scared the shit out of me." And Yuki let out a laugh.

"Payback's a real bitch, isn't it, Haru." He said with a smile as he finally let go of Haru, giving him a light slap on the cheek.

"You're such a jack ass, Yuki." Haru mumbled, pushing his back from the wall.

"Now, now…" Yuki chided, gentleness in his tone. "Don't be rude. Tohru made us breakfast." He finally turned towards her with a warm smile.

"…Really?" Came Haru's response, having completely forgotten his earlier rage, causing Yuki to chuckle.

"You're hopeless." He laughed, shaking his head. "Come on. Lets go eat." And as they walked over to the table Haru gave Yuki a playful punch to the shoulder, and Yuki flashed Tohru a smile.

Having successfully diffused the situation, the three sat quietly at the table eating the lavish breakfast Tohru had prepared. Afterwards Yuki helped Tohru clean up, drying the dishes that she washed as Haru watched on in bewildered amusement. Haru tried to remember if he had ever actually _seen_ Yuki clean a dish before. When the kitchen was left cleaner then she had found it, Tohru dismissed herself to Yuki's room to change out of the clothing she had borrowed. As she stepped out into the living room a knock came at the door.

"That must be him!" She said warmly, and Yuki reflexively frowned.

"Do you really have to leave?" Yuki asked, his voice a little too desperate, causing Tohru to let out a giggle.

"Don't worry, I'll be back." She smiled, but Yuki couldn't bring himself to return the smile.

"Careful!" Haru came cheerfully. "If you come back we might not let you go!" And all she could do was laugh at his impish grin.

Tohru almost skipped to the door opening it, and on the other side was Kyo. The warm smile he held on his face did a sudden drop as he caught sight of the person standing behind her.

"Hey, Kyonkichi…how's the jaw?" Yuki asked nonchalantly, giving a smile, and Haru snickered from behind him.

"What the hell, Tohru?" He came curt, not taking his eyes off Yuki. "_This_ is the friend you were helping out last night?" And at this Yuki's smile broadened as Tohru simply nodded.

"Tohru…" He sighed, finally dropping his gaze from Yuki to look at her, coming over to her and wrapping his arms around her shoulders in an embrace. "I know you have a big heart, baby…" His voice became tender as he gently brushed the bangs from her forehead, causing Yuki's smile to fade. "But he's not…_good…_for you…" He whispered, throwing Yuki a stern look from over Tohru's shoulder.

"Hey!" Haru growled through his teeth, dangerously clenching his fists. "That's my friend you're talking about you jack a-" Haru was suddenly silenced by the raise of Yuki's hand as he interrupted.

"Are you going to tell me to stay away from your girl?" Yuki asked, his tone cold as his eyes held Kyo's equally frosty gaze.

"If I had to do that, she wouldn't be my girl." He retorted, maneuvering to wrap his arm protectively around Tohru's waist.

"Well, then I guess you've got nothing to worry about, do you…_Kyonkichi_." Yuki stated passively, attempting to suppress the pained look threatening to break across his face.

"It must burn you up…" He began, a sarcastic smirk forming across his lips. "To find out that you can't have everything you want." He finished as he began to gently guide Tohru away with the arm wrapped around her waist.

"Oh, and Sohma." He came again, looking over his shoulder. "Stay away from my girl." And with that the two walked away together as Yuki moved to the doorway to watched them leave.

"Damn…didn't see that one coming." Came Haru's voice as he moved to Yuki's side.

"Don' worry, Haru." Yuki responded, his voice distant as he continued to watch them. "…I have a plan." And a smile began to play across his lips.

"You go, Romeo…" Haru said, letting out a laugh as he gave his roommate a fist-bump.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen. Didn't see that one coming...did you?**


	8. Wish I May

**"When your best friend is just a tiny bit psychotic, you should ****_never actually_**** believe him when he says, 'trust me, this is gonna be awesome.'"**

**-Jeff Strand "A Bad Day For Voodoo"**

* * *

"This is going to hurt, isn't it." He asked, shifting a dubious gaze from Haru to the white substance placed on the table.

"I told you it wouldn't." Haru answered, looking him straight in the eye. "Trust me, this is gonna be awesome."

"I don't know, Haru." Yuki let out a sigh, looking away from his roommate.

"Come on, Yuki." Haru retorted, a bit exasperated. "Remember the stuff I gave you before." His gaze burrowed into Yuki, and Yuki simply nodded in response.

"Did you like it?" Haru asked, and a slight twitch on the corner of Yuki's mouth gave him away. "That's what I thought." Haru smiled. "It's the same exact stuff, man. I promise."

"You're really _not_ helping me, Haru." Yuki sighed, feeling the pressure of his roommate's gaze.

"…You never asked me to." Came Haru's pointed response, and Yuki found the truth of these words quite amusing.

"Fine." Yuki retorted, finally giving in, as Haru gave an impish grin at his victory.

Yuki watched as his roommate took a razor blade and began finely chopping the white substance into a fine powder. Haru then worked meticulously to form the powder into two lines. Yuki noticed that the line closest to Haru was larger, causing him to raised an eyebrow. Haru picked up on his roommate's glance and gave a defensive glare.

"Don't give me that look. I scored the shit so I get the larger half." And with that Yuki rolled his eyes in concession as Haru finished preparing the powder and handed him a thin straw.

"Ready?" Haru asked, déjà vu suddenly striking Yuki as he nodded slowly. "Okay." Haru continued. "We do it together. On the count of three." The look on Haru's face becoming serious as he placed the straw in his nostril, nodding for Yuki to do the same.

Plugging the other nostril with his index finger, Haru kept his gaze intently on Yuki who mimicked every move. Leaning their heads down towards the lines of powder, neither one broke eye contact as they made contact with the end of their respective lines.

"Okay." Haru began slowly. "One." Yuki could feel his heart race, adrenaline flooding his system. "Two." Yuki's stomach suddenly sank…this was a _really_ bad idea. "Three." And Yuki closed his eyes as he let out a breath and inhaled quickly through the straw, pulling the powder into his sinuses.

A sudden jolt of pain shot through Yuki's head as his eyes involuntarily watered. He ripped the straw from his nostril and pinched his nose, squeezing his eyes through the tears.

"Damn it Haru!" He screamed, slamming his fist to the table. "You said it wouldn't hurt!" He blinked through the tears, clearing his vision to see Haru tilting his head back, sniffing violently as he rubbed his nose.

"Yeah, well…I lied." Haru said with a laugh, an amused look playing across his face.

"You bastard!" Yuki growled as he lashed out to slap Haru across the face, already feeling coordination and strength leaving his limbs.

"You hit like a girl." Haru snickered, a high-pitched, almost giddy laugh escaping his lips.

Feeling the whole world become a little more dull, Yuki let out a sigh. Laying his forehead to the table he laced his thin fingers together as he put his hands on the back of his head, pressing his forehead further into the hard surface. Yuki exhaled words from his lips that seemed to make even less sense in his mind.

We left this land of shiny lights  
I wish I may, I wish I might  
When all these dreams have come to end  
You wish you were, you're not my friend

"Damn." Haru chuckled in amusement at his roommate. "That's almost poetic." Yuki lifted his head too quickly to look at his roommate, making his vision spin and blur for a moment.

"You really think so?" Yuki asked, his eyes glazing over. "Maybe I should write music…" He mused to himself, and manic laughter exploded from across the table.

"Dude!" Haru looked at his roommate, thoroughly amused. "That's _exactly_ what you do, dumb-ass!"

"…Oh." Yuki looked a bit perplexed, casting his gaze to the table, then looked at Haru again. "…Really?" He rubbed the back of his head in confusion, and Haru just continued to giggle.

"Awe man! I have _got_ to get you on this shit more often!" He laughed. "You're funny as hell!" And Yuki simply smiled at this revelation. "And what's all this about me _not_ being your friend?" Haru asked, feigning hurt.

"Well, you're not." Yuki shrugged, radical honesty slipping through his lips. "You're no good for me, Haru." He said sadly, cursing himself for loving someone so completely who was bound and determined to drag him down to hell.

"I know…" Came Haru's unexpected response, causing Yuki to blink in confusion. "…but I _am_ what you want right now." His voice was low, the smile never fading from his face. "Admit it." He continued "You, sir, are an addict." And at this, Yuki's expression dropped in quiet contemplation.

"Hello." Yuki finally spoke in monotone, taking his roommate off guard. "My name is Yuki Sohma…and I'm an addict." He deadpanned, watching his roommate's expression in silence until they both broke out into hysterical laughter.

"What the hell is going on here?" A voice broke through their laughter, making them both fall silent.

"How did he get in here?" Haru asked, and Yuki simply shrugged as they both looked impassively at their band manager.

"You guys were suppose to meet with Akito to go over plans for next week's promotional party." Shigure looked at them, anger burning behind his eyes. "That was an _hour_ ago!" He yelled.

"Shit…was that today?" Yuki asked blankly, looking over at Haru who only shrugged in response.

"You two are insufferable!" Shigure growled in exasperation. "If Akito knew what was going on here…he-" Shigure was suddenly cut off by Haru's indignant voice.

"Screw Akito…_and_ his party!" Haru shouted, pointing his finger at Shigure. "We're busy throwing our _own_ fucking party over here! So you go back to your precious Akito and tell him to put _that_ shit in his crack pipe and smoke it!" And with that Haru and Yuki both broke into manic laugher as Shigure just stood dumbfounded.

"Fine." Shigure spat. "Just wait until Aktio hears of this." He hissed low, moving towards the door to leave.

"Oh, I'm _so_ scared." Haru retorted sarcastically at Shigures threat, and Yuki's face suddenly paled as Shigure slammed the door behind him. "…Ass…" Haru muttered, turning his attention back to his roommate as Yuki stood slowly from the table.

"What's up with you?" Haru asked, perplexed by the change in his roommates demeanor.

"I'm going to lay down." Yuki stated hollowly as he carefully made his way to his room.

"What?" Haru shouted after him. "You're joking, right? We got a good buzz going, and you're going to sleep it off?" His voice came in exasperated confusion as Yuki continued to ignore him. "That's just perfect!" He stammered in frustration at his roommate. "That's the last time I _ever_ share my shit with you!" And the slam of Yuki's bedroom door was the only response.

As Yuki laid on top of the covers he tried to remember the aura that had been in this room only days before. The light that had been all encompassing, emanating from her. Now he suddenly felt the darkness creeping in all over again, and it terrified him. Haru had it wrong. What Yuki _really_ wanted was her. Her overwhelming innocence and kindness that seemed to be the only thing that staved off the darkness. Yuki focused on his heartbeat to take his mind off of Shigure's words. He could feel it slowing down, as the whole world seemed to stop spinning, and found himself wondering what it might be like if it just…stopped.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Wish I May" by Breaking Benjamin.**

**Again, no Yaoi inteneded between Haru and Yuki. Just a really bad chemical bro-mance.**

**And if you found yourself laughing you now owe me your soul...or a review...you choose.**


	9. Be Optimistic

It was Friday afternoon, and Yuki had spent the whole week waiting for retribution. Retribution that never came. Akito had used this tactic before…torturing Yuki with the sheer _idea_ of what he would do to him. Something Akito had discovered, to his sick delight, that Yuki tended to fear almost as much as the actual abuse. But Akito himself seemed to be as absent as the punishment Yuki had resigned himself to.

Things only grew more bizarre when Yuki began to notice that Shigure was acting very strangely. He always seemed to be on his cell phone, and always with a worried look on his face. At first Yuki had just shrugged it off as normal stress due to the preparations needing to be made for tonight's promotional event. In Akito's absence Shigure had been left alone to make all of the arrangements for the party. But the more Yuki thought about this, the less it made sense. Shigure should have been use to making these types of preparations on his own…_with_ hellish deadlines. He was the band manager, after all. That was his job.

"Hey, Haru" Yuki asked, finally unable to simply ignore the increasingly unnerving situation. "Have you noticed anything different around here lately?"

"Other than the fact that this has pretty much been the best week of my life?" Haru responded, leaning casually against the wall of the studio, not really paying attention to his roommate.

"No." Yuki scowled, wishing Haru would take him seriously. "Where the hell is Akito…" He murmured, more to himself then anyone else.

"You're not actually missing him, are you?" Haru asked, still staring off at nothing in particular, and Yuki found himself needing to restrain the impulse to slap him.

"Damn it, Haru!" Yuki retorted, fed up with his roommate's indifference. "Don't you think things have gotten a bit weird around here?" Haru's gaze finally met Yuki, his expression irked.

"Of course they have." His voice came low. "So the devil spawn _isn't_ haunting our steps…for once." A hint of irritation laced in his words. "Though he seems a hell of a lot more interested in yours than in mine." He added, causing Yuki to visibly flinch, and he suddenly regretted his words.

"Look, Yuki." Haru began again looking intently into his roommate's eyes, holding his gaze. "I just don't understand why you allow him to make you this miserable."

Those words felt so familiar, causing Yuki to pale as he felt his ribcage constrict and ache. Those were _his_ words. Yuki hadn't wanted to believe them at the time, but now the voice of his nightmares was in his head…accusing him: _it's simple, really… because you allow it._ Was it really that simple? Was everything really his fault? Yuki hadn't even noticed that he was hyperventilating until he felt his knees give as he slumped to the ground. Haru reflexively followed him, supporting him from the side to aid him safely to the floor.

"Yuki, are you okay?" Haru's words were fuzzy, and Yuki feared he might actually be loosing consciousness. "What the hell happened?" Concern and horror tainted his usually carefree voice.

"It's nothing…" Yuki whispered, lowering his head as he concentrated on regulating his breathing. "I'm fine."

"No." Haru's answer was blunt. "You're not fine." He stated, brushing the hair from Yuki's forehead to look in his eyes. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, Yuki. You're falling apart." He said, finally adjusting himself to a more comfortable position on the floor before pulling Yuki to his side. "You deserve to be happy…" He whispered, and as they sat together in silence Yuki felt himself regaining a level of calm.

"Haru." Yuki's voice came low, as he found himself unconsciously resting his head on Haru's shoulder. "Do you really think I deserve to be happy?"

"You're dysfunctional as hell, Yuki. But even _you_ deserve happiness." Haru gave Yuki a playful side glance, and Yuki just continued to stare ahead with a frown.

"Come on…mopey emo kid." Haru chuckled, tousling Yuki's hair. "Cheer up, 'cause you're so damn beautiful when you smile!"

"Knock it off, Haru." Yuki grumbled, half-heartedly pushing Haru's hand away.

There was a brief moment of silence between them as they watched the people bustling around the studio preparing for the night's event. Yuki suddenly got the sneaking feeling that Haru was up to something. He was quiet. Too quiet. Yuki felt Haru's shoulder move under his head as words finally came from Haru's lips.

Be optimistic…

Haru sang slowly in a beautiful, clear voice, and Yuki gave an audible sigh of irritation as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Don't you be a grumpy…

"Haru…" Yuki groaned, causing Haru to chuckle lightly before continuing.

When the road gets bumpy…

Haru sang just a little louder, causing Yuki to let out another groan.

Just smile…smile and be happy…

"Are you done?" Yuki interrupted, finally lifting his head from Haru's shoulder to scowl at him.

"Only if you promise to lighten up and smile, sad little emo kid." Haru responded with an impish grin.

"Stop calling me that, Haru. I'm not emo." Yuki hissed.

"Then prove it and stop frowning." Haru challenged as his smile broadened.

"And if I don't?" Yuki asked, the scowl on his face already distorted by the smile threatening to break through.

"…I swear I'll sing the whole damn song until you smile…" Haru threatened playfully, and Yuki began to chuckle at his roommate's antics despite himself.

"I hate you." Yuki chuckled, a smile playing in his lips.

"Yeah, well…you might hate me, but now the whole world knows that you enjoy Shirley Temple, you sick freak." Haru retorted, and they both began laughing until something else caught Haru's attention.

"Now that's just pathetic." Haru scoffed, his arm still around Yuki's shoulder, looking in the distance as Yuki followed his gaze to see Shigure. "He looks like a damn dog searching for his master." Haru spat as Yuki tilted his head to the side to watch Shigure pace back and forth while on the phone, imagining him with a tail tucked between his legs. "Hey, watch this…" Haru whispered mischievously.

A low growl began to emanate deep from Haru's throat, catching Yuki off guard. Then Haru burst into loud, boisterous barking until he finally caught Shigure's attention, who looked irritated but continued the conversation on his phone where he stood. Suddenly Haru flicked his tongue out, revealing his piercing, as he began to waggle and wave it suggestively at Shigure, who flushed deep crimson before flipping him off. Haru laughed, returning the gesture with his free hand before Shigure stalked off to continue his work. Yuki was simply left speechless.

"What do you think?" Haru mused, watching Shigure as he walked away fuming. "He's totally batting for the other team, right?"

"You're disgusting, Haru, and I think you need to work on your filter." Yuki chided.

"And that implies that I actually have one." Haru stated with a shrug, and Yuki simply rolled his eyes in response.

"Now…" Haru spoke, his voice becoming more serious as he continued to stare off into the distance. "We need to talk about this party." And Yuki's face fell as he cast his gaze to the ground.

"I don't want to go." Yuki muttered, and Haru simply drew him in closer into his side protectively.

"I know you don't." Haru admitted, empathy in his voice. "But you know that at this point it's not really up to you. This one's important, man. You can't bale." Yuki simply remained silent, staring at the ground.

"Don't worry." Haru said, giving Yuki a reassuring smile. "I'll be there with you, and I already have a plan." And Yuki gave a faint smile at the possibility of what that might actually be.

"I'm going to get you absolutely plastered, and we are going to enjoy the hell out of ourselves." Haru stated confidently with a nod, and Yuki found that he didn't entirely dislike this plan.

Haru was about to open his mouth to say something more to convince his roommate when he let out a startled gasp.

"No way…" Haru exclaimed in a low hush, and Yuki found himself slightly alarmed. "Dude, you're not going to believe this."

"What?" Yuki asked, trying desperately to conceal his concern, as Haru held up his hand to point out into the distance.

"I think I just found your date for the party!" Came Haru's voice, and Yuki followed his hand to finally see who he was pointing at as a look of surprise crossed his face.

Tohru gave a blush as she noticed that they were now both looking directly at her, watching her approach.

"…She has a boyfriend, Haru." Yuki grumbled, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"Tough shit. He should have put a ring on it." Haru exclaimed, an impish grin playing on the corner of his lips.

"Haru…" Yuki muttered dubiously, but was cut off by the look on Haru's face.

"If you don't ask her, I will." Haru threatened, his voice serious.

"You wouldn't..." Yuki gasped, horror flooding his face.

"I would…so either way she's coming." Haru said, preparing to stand, and Yuki violently ripped him back to the ground.

"Like hell you will, you ass!" Yuki spat, getting up himself as he heard Haru begin to laugh.

As Yuki moved to greet Tohru each step sent volts of electricity up through his body to the top of his head. He had felt nervous before. Every single time he went on stage. But this feeling was different. Why? Then it dawned on him…he had never really asked a girl out on a date before. His stomach dropped at this sudden realization as he almost froze in place. Sure. He had been with girls…and girls had been with him. But he had never actually _asked_ anyone out, let alone on a date. What if she said no? What if she said _yes_…

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Be Optimistic" by Shirley Temple. Because I can...**


	10. The Beautiful People

Yuki sat next to Tohru in the limo, still in complete and utter disbelief that she was actually with him…again. They sat opposite Haru and Tohru's friend, Ou, who had insisted on going with Tohru to the party in order to keep an eye on Yuki and make sure nothing happened to her. She had said that the supervision was a request of Tohru's boyfriend, but Yuki could see the level of care and concern Ou had for her friend of her own accord. She would have come anyway. Ou and Haru were holding a casual conversation, and Yuki felt a little foolish to have the one person he really wanted to be around right next to him and _not_ speak with her. But he wasn't quite sure where to start.

"Thank you." He whispered over to her, deciding that this was as good a place as any to begin. "I really appreciate you coming with me." He couldn't help but smile as her eyes met his and a blush painted her cheeks.

Feeling immediately at easy in the safety of her gaze, Yuki found himself opening up a little, the small smile spreading across his face.

"Whenever I go with Haru to these types of things, I can feel people begin to…_wonder_…about me. So it's really nice to have you here." His heart thrilled at hearing her chime-like giggle.

"You're welcome!" Came Haru's response, his ears immediately perked up at the sound of his name being mentioned as he plastered on a proud smile.

Everyone in the limo began to laugh as Yuki shot Haru a stern glare. With no real force behind it, Yuki found himself effortlessly joining in the cheerful laughter. As they pulled up to the club they could already hear the music blaring from inside the building. Getting out of the limo, Yuki found himself hoping that this night would not be as terrible as he had prepared himself for. These hopes were immediately dashed with the assault of paparazzi as they approached the door to the club. He held on tightly to Tohru to make sure she was not torn away from him in the crowd. Yuki quickly made his way to the building, managing to avoid the brunt of questions and looks from the reporters and photographers as he passed through the main door into the night club.

"Sorry about that." He said, finally letting go of Tohru, giving her a sheepish grin. "Probably should have warned you about that before hand."

"Oh, that's okay." Tohru replied, the smile never leaving her face. "It was kind of exciting!" She giggled.

"Have no fear, _bitches_!" Haru roared as he burst into the club, Ou right behind him. "The party has finally arrived! Ow!" And he began to seductively swing his leather-clad hips to the music, and Yuki simply hung his head in embarrassment.

The entire club immediately stopped what they were doing to view the spectacle. Some whistled while others made lude cat calls in response to Haru's very public lap dance for the masses. Most simply when about their business, understanding that it was best to just ignore him.

"And women actually _let_ you kiss them with that mouth?" Yuki shouted at his roommate, genuine irritation now in his voice.

"Oh…not _just_ the ladies…" Haru stated, a dubious smile playing on his lips, and both Yuki and Tohru stared at him in slight horror.

"Don't worry, Tohru. He's just joking." Yuki said, trying to ignore the visceral reaction to vomit. "Right, Haru?" He looked back at his roommate, an almost pleading look in his eyes.

"Hey." Haru shrugged nonchalantly. "Whatever helps you keep those images at bay, man." And he casually sauntered into the crowd, leaving the three of them to stare in disbelief at what they had just witnessed.

"Um…Yuki?" Tohru leaned into Yuki, her gentle voice fighting its way to him above the music.

"Yes?" He looked down at her, registering not only the look on her face, but the close proximity of her body to his.

"I need to use the restroom, and I'm not sure where it is." She said, a little embarrassed, and Yuki simply gave her a reassuring smile.

"It's over that way." He pointed in the direction of the lavatory. "But…" He paused, looking at Ou. "You might want to take your friend with you." He gave a warm smiled. "So you don't get lost. I want you to make it back to me, okay." And as they departed he made his way towards the bar.

Yuki ordered himself a small drink of hard liquor. Something he knew he could finish before they came back. Just one, he scolded himself severely, just to take the edge off. A promise he had made several times before. A promise almost always broken…almost. He leaned against the bar sipping his drink, figuring that it would take some time with the both of them gone. Being in this place made him uneasy, filled with endless cravings and temptations. Watching the people in the club, he found he knew almost all of them, in varying degrees of intimacy. A fact he was not entirely proud of. Thin, pale arms found their way around his ribcage in an embrace as Yuki felt a body mold itself to him from behind. Instinctively placing his free hand over the ones around his chest, Yuki allowed himself to enjoy the sensation for just a moment before responding.

"Hello, Rin." He murmured, as he felt the body behind him respond and a head rest gently between his shoulder blades.

"Miss me?" The voice came, causing vibrations to pass into Yuki's back.

"Only when I'm _really_ lonely." He responded honestly, taking another sip of his drink before continuing. "Or when Haru has me deeply concerned that I might actually be gay." He shrugged, feeling the body behind him gently shake with laughter.

"And how is our favorite mistake?" She asked, gently rubbing the fingers underneath his hand on his chest.

"…He's Haru…" Yuki stated, not really able to come up with a better response.

"So why haven't you come to see me, Yuki?" The voice asked sweetly.

"Because it's over between us, and you know why." Yuki responded, his tone void of malice, a trace of regret in his words.

"Just because _he's_ my brother, doesn't mean we can't see each other from time to time. When you are lonely, perhaps?" The velvet voice came in response.

"Actually, that's exactly what it means, Rin." Yuki came. "And you really should have let me know he was your brother _before _we slept together. It would have saved me a lot of grief." He said, taking another, larger sip of his drink.

"Perhaps." The voice conceded, slipping one hand over the top of his. "But we wouldn't have had _nearly_ as much fun together, now would we?" And Yuki let out a sigh as memories involuntarily flooded his mind.

"Yuki…" Soft lips brushed up against the back of his neck, causing him to let out a small gasp as he felt a shiver sent down his spine. "Are you having naughty thoughts about us again?" The voice giggled, enjoying Yuki's visceral response.

"No." He lied, and if anyone would have asked about the blush on his face he would have blamed it on the alcohol.

"You liar." The voice laughed, as the arms finally released him from his torment, and Yuki turned to look his tormenter in the eye.

"As far as I recall, he never said I wasn't allowed to think about you." Yuki shrugged. "I'm just not allowed to do anything else with you under penalty of death…or castration. Whichever he sees fit to do first."

"My brother always _did_ have a flare for the dramatic, but I seriously doubt he would actually kill you." A smile played on Rin's face. "Maim you, absolutely. But I am relatively certain your life is safe around me."

"And I am _absolutely_ certain that he was completely serious about _both_ threats, Rin…" Yuki's tone was a little more harsh than he had intended, causing Rin to flinch.

"So...he really has taken you away from me." Her voice came sad, taking in Yuki's expression. "He always gets what he wants. It's a pity it had to be you." She whispered.

"So, have you seen him?" Rin asked after a moment of awkward silence, and Yuki's expression reflexively tightened, as did the grip he had on his drink.

"No, not recently." He said, wishing he could have avoided this conversation all together, and a momentary look of concern washed over Rin's face before she gave a gentle nod.

"Well, it's good to see you, Yuki." She whispered, placing a gentle hand on his cheek, her face sweet. "It really has been too long. And, despite what you may think, there are a few of us around here who really do care about you." She said, a gentle smile playing across her lips as Yuki simply nodded once in response…he didn't believe her.

"I'm going to see if I can find Haru." Rin said, readying to dismiss herself.

"Well, that shouldn't be too difficult. I'm sure by now he's managed to start his very own party somewhere around here." Yuki retorted, causing her to laugh.

"And Yuki, if you do happen to see my brother…just…be careful." Her face became serious, genuine concern in her voice. "Akito keeps nothing and no one around him that he does not intend to eventually abuse, use up, and throw away." And Yuki nodded at this warning, desperately wishing it had come just a little sooner.

"You look really nice, by the way." He finally stated, allowing himself to take in her seductive outfit, and she let out a giggle.

"And you look…" She paused before finding the words she wanted. "Happy." And Yuki gave a look of mild confusion before she sauntered away from the bar, leaving him to quickly finish the rest of his drink in peace.

Yuki wondered what she had meant as she left. He looked …_happy_? Yuki hadn't really noticed that he felt any different. If he were really honest with himself, his circumstances had probably gotten worse since the last time he had seen her. The fact that he had been force to stop seeing her had only made things less…complicated…not necessarily better. As he continued to think about her words, he found himself wanting another drink.

"There you are!" A sweet voice chimed over the music, breaking his reverie. "And you were worried about losing me?" And one glance at the girl before him made his craving disappear completely, to his utter surprise and amazement.

The whole club seemed to slow and melt away in that moment when Tohru held his gaze, and he couldn't help but smile despite himself. Had she really changed him this much? Maybe Rin was right. That thought gave him hope. And that hope planted a deep-seeded fear, because he knew from experience that it could be taken away. He wasn't allowed to have hope…or happiness. Against his better judgment, Yuki pushed away his hesitation. This time it would work. This time he might actually be able to obtain happiness.

"Hey Tohru." He responded as she moved close beside him to hear. "I have a question." And she looked at him, a little confused.

"Are you happy?" He asked, not entirely sure what he was looking for but hoped he could find it in her.

"Of course I'm happy" She said, smiling at him, though still a little confused.

"Why?" He asked, hoping she wouldn't be offended, and as she looked into his eyes she saw he was searching for a genuine answer.

"Because, my mom once told me that happiness is a choice. So ever since then, I have just chosen to be happy!" Tohru responded, the simplicity of her explanation completely baffling Yuki.

Before he could continue the conversation, the lights in the club suddenly went dark, as a spectacular light show moved to the dace floor. Music cued up to suit the mood, and everyone began to cheer and holler. Yuki's eyes shifted to the dance floor light show to see Haru in the middle of the floor with Ou, and he had to laugh to himself. It figured Haru would find a way to dance to this type of music. He watched as Haru gracefully spun Ou across the dance floor, taken aback at how good of a dancer Haru actually was.

And I don't want cha, and I don't need ya  
Don't bother to resist, or I'll beat cha  
It's not your fault that you're always wrong  
The weak ones are there to justify the strong

Yuki found himself starting to develop a migraine. He had never really enjoyed the louder music, and found himself reflexively massaging his temples to stave off the pain. Yuki closed his eyes, in hopes of avoiding a full-blown migraine when his eyes suddenly shot open at the loud gasp Tohru let out.

"Oh my! Who is _he_? He's so…beautiful!" She exclaimed, looking off in the distance with a completely stunned look on her face.

The beautiful people, the beautiful people  
It's all relative to the size of your steeple  
You can't see the forest for the trees  
You can't smell your own shit on your knees

Yuki followed her gaze, finding the task a little arduous in the dark environment until he, too, let out a gasp of his own.

There's no time to discriminate,  
Hate every motherfucker  
That's in your way

"…Akito." He breathed, not even sure if his voice had registered above the music, a look of horror on his face.

Everyone in the club seemed to follow their gaze, completely taken in as Akito made his entrance into the club. Some looked on in lust, some in admiration, and those who knew him personally looked on in fear. But none looked away, all captivated by his presence in one way or another. Akito, however, seemed to notice no one at all.

Hey you, what do you see?  
Something beautiful, something free?  
Hey you, why you trying to be mean?  
You live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

Yuki watched as Akito made his way up to the open-floored balcony overlooking the dance floor. Something seemed off, though. Shigure seemed to be too close to him, almost touching, and Akito seemed to be allowing it. Yuki wondered, with a fresh sense of horror, if Shigure had actually followed through on his threat of telling Akito what they had been doing earlier in the week. Yuki's stomach sank as he realized he had not yet paid for that particular transgression against Akito.

The worms will live in every host  
It's hard to pick which one they eat most

The horrible people, the horrible people  
It's as anatomic as the size of your steeple  
Capitalism has made it this way,  
Old-fashioned fascism will take it away

"Awe shit! I could have totally gone without being witness to the coming of the Anti Christ." Haru hissed, mere inches from Yuki, who had not even notices his approach.

Hey you, what do you see?  
Something beautiful, something free?  
Hey you, why you trying to be mean?  
You live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

There's no time to discriminate,  
Hate every motherfucker  
That's in your way

Yuki watched as Akito finally took a seat, Shigure sitting in close proximity of him. Akito slowly took a cigarette from the pack, and placed it in his lips. In a shockingly intimate gesture Shigure went to go light the cigarette for him as he gave a sick little smile, his lips silently moving to hold a discussion no one but Shigure could hear. Akito's lips suddenly stopped moving as his gaze met Yuki's, and his penetrating stare caused Yuki to stop breathing entirely.

Hate!

Hate!

Hate!

Hate!

Hate!

Hate!

Hate!

Hate!

Yuki finally let out a gasp as Akito averted his gaze for a moment to glance at the person beside him. Yuki tensed in horror as he watched Akito wrap his thin fingers around Shigure's neck tie to gently pull him closer. As Akito's gaze became partially obscured by Shigure's profile, Yuki could see Shigure visibly blush at the close contact as Akito whispered in his ear. Shigure finally gave a side glance into the crowd, and Yuki froze as he saw Shigure's gaze glance over Tohru before he moved to whisper back to Akito. Akito's pale hand went up to Shigure's face as Akito closed his eyes in mild pleasure to take in his words before he open them again and gave a starling beautiful smile at Yuki. As Shigure again sat back in his seat Akito took a drag of his cigarette and let out the smoke in what seemed to be a torrent of laughter.

The beautiful people  
The beautiful people

Aahh

The beautiful people  
The beautiful people

Aahh

The beautiful people  
The beautiful people

Aaahh

The beautiful people  
The beautiful people

Aahh

"Haru…" Yuki stammered, no longer aware of the people around him. "We need to leave. Now." He whispered, fearing that things were no longer safe for any of them.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson. Akito simply demanded it...**


	11. No Games

His vision blurred as he slowly opened his eyes, wondering what had caused him to do so in the first place. Waiting, he listened, before closing his eyes again. Suddenly a knock at the door made his eyes snap open, winching as he finally registered the massive pain in his head. Yuki didn't even have the chance to answer before the culprit opened the door and entered his bedroom. He made no movement from his bed, remaining curled on his side. Staring at the wall, Yuki desperately wished his headache and the intruder would both just go away and leave him alone.

"You need to get out of bed." The voice came, tainted with worry and concern.

"….No. I don't." Yuki whispered, closing his eyes against the pain pounding in his head.

"It's been days, Yuki. You know you're practically _begging_ him to come over here personally to kick your ass." The voice responded, pausing momentarily before beginning again. "You can't hide from him forever, you know."

"I'm not hiding…I'm sleeping." Yuki grumbled, a little more force behind his hollow voice, squeezing his eyes shut for emphasis.

"You need to eat." The voice retorted, frustration building behind their worried tone.

"Just leave me alone." Yuki moaned, putting the pillow over his head to block out the voice.

"Not until you get your ass out of bed." The voice came, completely irked.

"Go. Away. Haru." Yuki spat, his voice muffled under the pillow.

"You need to take a shower, man…you're starting to smell." Yuki had had enough.

His face contorted into a horrific sneer as he moved the pillow. Reaching for the empty bottle of vodka on his bed, he gripped it in his hand as he quickly maneuvered to hurl it full force at his roommate. The bottle crashed into the wall, shattering inches from Haru's face as he shielded himself against the shards of glass.

"SCREW! YOU!" Yuki shrieked at the top of his lungs as he glared at Haru, who was in a state of complete and utter shock.

The two remained in silence for some time. Yuki sat on his bed, casting his gaze to the covers in an attempt to process what had just happened. Could he really have been _that_ angry with Haru? Or was it that Haru was simply the only one around to put up with his increasingly unstable behavior. Yuki knew that, in the days following the party, he had put Haru through hell. But Haru never left. Unlike all the times before, where he had left Yuki to fall apart…and pick up the pieces…alone, Haru had actually stayed. Just as he stayed now, in Yuki's room. More then anything, Yuki found himself completely confused. It might have been easier if he had just been left alone. Easier, perhaps, but was that _really_ what he wanted…to be alone?

Despite his best effort, a droplet of blood began to run down Haru's cheek bone where a shard of glass had made it's mark. Yuki turned his gaze to his roommate, noticing the wound immediately. His face filled with grief, he opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, unable to put words to his regret. Yuki finally stood from the bed, weakly making his way to the door where Haru was. He was surprised at how much his muscles had atrophied, and wondered to himself if the weakness had been compounded by his refusal to eat. But an empty stomach _had_ made the alcohol more…effective. He stopped, inches from his roommate, who made no attempt to move out of the way. Looking into his eyes, Yuki raised his hand and gently moved his fingers over the cut, tracing a small trail of blood underneath his fingertips. He began to move his lips into words, but stopped himself again before letting his hand drop from Haru's cheek.

"…I'm going to go take a shower." Yuki murmured, dropping his gaze, and Haru simply nodded as he slowly moved out of the way.

The water was hot. Painfully hot. He hung his head forward to let the water scald his back, wanting to feel anything at all that might take away this deep-seated fear. No matter how hard he tried, every time he closed his eyes all Yuki could see was _his_ face. His penetrating, life suppressing gaze. That mesmerizing smile, a precursor to unimaginable pain. The alluring face that haunted his nightmares, and tormented his waking hours. There was no escape. Hopelessness washed over him as the water ran down his back. He whispered words to himself, inaudible over the shower. A conversation in his head that he knew he could never have. Would never be allowed to have.

Would you, want to  
Feel the way that I do?  
And I bend, to your will  
I've felatted myself

Tears found their way into the hot water on his face, and he desperately wished that he were strong enough.

Tied to the needle  
My drunk libido  
My nervous ego  
The faster we go

Every single mistake, every weakness was painfully exposed like a raw nerve. Pulled to the surface and laid bare. Slamming his fist into the shower wall in self loathing, he cried out to the one person he had no defense against.

You are an asshole  
King of the castle  
I am the meager  
Follow the leader

His breath came in labored gasps, his body reeling from sobriety as he began to dry heave. The pressure in his head came to a climax as his body began to tremble. By now the water had run cold, causing his limbs to seize up. He went to his knees as the water continued to run down his back. A shaky hand reached out to turn off the water as he remained slumped on the shower floor. Finally gaining control of his legs Yuki stood, weakly, stepping out of the shower as he wrapped his cold body in a nearby towel. The shower had done nothing to wash away the crippling fear and despair Yuki felt. Desperate to solve his current problem, Yuki looked for another solution to draw his focus anywhere else…to alleviate the physical pain his stress was causing. Physical pain. Yuki remembered how well that had worked in the past, and began to search for what he needed.

Searching the cupboards and draws, he finally found what he had been looking for. The razor blade looked clean enough, and a part of him wondered if it was the same one Haru used to prepare his drugs. Yuki gave a hollow smile, if he managed to get high he would count it a minor miracle. The towel wrapped tightly around his thin waist, Yuki went to lock the door and then took a seat on the bathroom floor. Resting his arms palm up, Yuki took in the sight before him. A frown crossed his face as he took in all of the faint scars that riddled his forearms. Most all of them were superficial, except for two identical scars on either arm that stood out above the others. A constant reminder that he was a failure…because he was still here. Taking a deep breath, he set to work.

Yuki took the razor blade in his right hand and, placing it on his left forearm, gently pressed down and drug the metal across his skin. Watching red bead up to stain his pale skin, Yuki waited. Nothing. He felt, nothing. It had been years since he had done this, but the lack of pain alarmed him. Just a little deeper, then, he told himself. Taking the blade to his skin again, Yuki pressed a little harder. Still nothing. Panic swept over him as he put the razor to his arm again. Deeper. He just needed to go deeper. His frantic search for sensation was abruptly put to a halt with the knock that came at the door, causing Yuki to flinch mid stride.

"Shit!" He winced, realizing he had dug much deeper then he had intended.

"It everything okay?" Haru's voice came from the other side of the door. "You've been in there forever."

"I'm fine." Yuki came, assessing the bloody mess around him. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Well hurry up. We got called into the studio, and they're wondering why the hell we're not there yet." Yuki let out a sigh as he wondered if things could get any worse.

Coming to his feet, Yuki made his way to the sink to clean up his forearm. He let out a low hiss as the water made contact with the lacerations on his arm, but Yuki found himself feeling relieved. It was there. Pain. As he focused on the pain, the overwhelming fear began to fade and dull into the background. Looking at his arm, he felt relatively confident that none of the wounds were deep enough for stitches. Wrapping his damp arm with a thin bandage, Yuki made a mental note to wear a long sleeved shirt to the studio.

They walked to the studio entrance in silence, memories of the morning still fresh in both of their minds. Yuki found himself grateful that Haru had decided to stop to get food along the way, as he slowly nibbled the french fry held between his fingers. Having finished the majority of his meal on the way to the studio, Yuki finally realized the extent of his hunger. As they approached the building, Yuki noticed a figure leaning against the wall next to the entrance. Yuki swallowed hard, feeling his most recent meal threatening to come back up. The figure in the distance gave a slight smile, and Yuki's face paled as he found he had once again lost his appetite. Arriving at the entrance Haru finally spoke, his tone cold and icy.

"You didn't have to meet us at the entrance, you know." But Akito kept his penetrating gaze on Yuki, taking a drag from the cigarette between his fingers before speaking.

"I missed you." His voice was emotionless, not matching the tender words he had just spoken. "I was disappointed that you left the party so early. I didn't even get the chance to say hello." He continued in a cloud of smoke. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you were trying to avoid me." Yuki cast his gaze to the ground, terrified that Akito might discover the truth of these words.

"We've been busy…" Haru interjected, sensing the mounting tension.

"Yes." Akito spoke, his voice taking on a more casual tone. ""I've heard all about your little escapade in my absence." Yuki felt his stomach churn as his fear was realized.

"And where exactly have _you_ been?" Haru spat, irritation rising in his voice, as Yuki remained frozen in silence.

"That's really none of your business." Akito's tone grew menacing as he took a drag of his cigarette, his cold gaze finally shifting to Haru.

"And Shigure gave me your little message, by the way." Akito said, his eyes burning into Haru. "It was…_cute_." He continued, a snide little smirk working its way to the corner of his lip. "But the next time you proposition to screw me, you might want to do it to my face." His tone grew low. "You might just be interested in my response."

"Like I would actually _want _to screw your nasty ass!" Haru retorted, his face filled with genuine disgust.

"Pity." Akito blew out smoke as he dropped his cigarette to the ground and snuffed it out with his shoe. "I guarantee you would enjoy it." His face was void as he continued to stare at Haru.

"I doubt that, you narcissistic asshole." Haru hissed through clenched teeth.

"Then I suggest that, in the future, you refrain from making remarks you can't back up." Akito came in a low murmur, both his tone and expression frighteningly serious.

Haru's eyes dilated as he felt the blood rush through his body to his head. Yuki looked on in horrified disbelief as Haru took slow steps towards Akito. Neither one looked away from the other, as Haru finally stopped in front of him. Haru placed his hands to the wall on either side of Akito, caging him in, and leaned forward as Akito remained motionless against the wall. Haru's voice came in a low hush, inches from Akito's ear, as they stood practically cheek-to-cheek.

"Try threatening me again, you sick son of a bitch, and see what happens…" Haru whispered, his voice low and dangerous.

"Don't worry." The hushed response was eerily calm, Akito's expression remaining unshaken. "You're not the one I really want…" And a hand came up to Haru's chest as Akito gently pushed him out of his space.

Haru looked on, stupefied, as Akito slowly began to walk away. Passing by Yuki, he paused, taking in Yuki's baffled expression with mild amusement. Akito removed another cigarette from the pack, lighting it up has he gave a long exhale of smoke before speaking.

"I'm heading to the office to finish up some business. Meet me there in half an hour. Don't be late." He warned in a chilling tone, casting a side glance to Yuki before continuing on his way, leaving them in silence.

"You can't go with him…" Haru's voice came low as he moved to stand next to Yuki.

"You know that I have no choice." Came Yuki's hollow response, and Haru simply nodded once.

"Yeah. I know."

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "No Games" by Breaking Benjamin.**


	12. Hopless

**Okay children. I have made you cower. Made you shudder. Caused you to sleep in fear. Now it is time...for some good old gratuitous violence. You have been warned. And you can thank me later. And a special shout out to my dear friend Kon13. You brought this upon yourself, friend, hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Yuki walked alone to Akito's office, contemplating his fait. Haru had wanted to come with him, but Yuki feared that might actually make things worse for him. He knew that, today, Akito was looking for retribution. But would that come in the form of Yuki's blood…or his life? Yuki feared the worst, every footstep feeling as if it were leading him closer to his grave. As he approached the door to Akito's office, Yuki noticed that it had been left ajar. It should not have surprised him, as Akito was expecting his arrival, but Yuki felt uneasy. It was a bad omen.

Unwilling to pass the threshold, Yuki stood for a moment, staring through the crack in the door. Then it dawned on him that the room was not empty, and Akito was clearly not alone. Morbid curiosity moved Yuki closer to the door to see who else was in Akito's office. Horror washed over his face as he took in the scene unfolding before him. In the plush seat by the large bay window sat both Akito and Shigure, who was positioned intimately between Akito's legs.

Akito sat behind Shigure, his arms wrapped around Shigure's waist. Shigure's eyes were closed as he leaned his head back against Akito's shoulder, and Akito placed his lips on Shigures exposed neck. Shigure let out a gasp as Akito ran his tongue from the base of his neck to his jaw, then gently began nibbling his earlobe. Yuki's stomach dropped as Akito's hand found its way under Shigure's shirt. Shigure's breathing came labored, his hands gripping the armrests, as Akito gently sunk his teeth into the flesh of Shigure's shoulder. An audible moan passed Shigure's lips, and Yuki was about to turn away when a cold, heartless gaze met his, causing him to freeze where he stood.

"There you are…" Shigure's eye shot open at Akito's voice, but Akito remained wrapped around him resting his chin on Shigure's shoulder with a sadistic smile. "Come in." His velvet voice beckoned.

Shigure's face flushed red, then paled to white as he finally registered Yuki's presence just behind the door. He made a move to stand, but was gently restrained as Akito moved in to whisper in his ear.

"You can stay if you want." He cooed seductively. "You may actually enjoy being part of this little meeting of ours. I'm sure he won't mind." He offered, glancing to Yuki who made no move to enter the room.

Shigure made another, more forceful attempt to remove himself as Akito finally let him go. A low laugh emanated from Akito, his smile twisting upwards in stunning cruelty as he watched Shigure walk away. Shigure pushed the door further open, his expression completely mortified, brushing past Yuki roughly as Akito called after him.

"Suit yourself, then." He chuckled, casually smoothing his clothing with his hands before pulling out a cigarette from the pack placed on the side table.

"Well, don't just stand there." Akito turned his cold gaze on Yuki, taking a drag of his cigarette. "We have work to do."

"What the hell was that all about?" Yuki asked hesitantly, forcing himself to move forward into the room.

"What?" Akito's expression became void as he breathed out a puff of smoke. "Shigure?" He raised an eyebrow, taking in Yuki's troubled expression. "It seems our little friend has…_issues_…with public displays of affection." He shrugged, his face impassive.

"Then…why?" Yuki couldn't bring himself to finish the question, knowing full well Akito had been waiting for him to arrive for the scheduled meeting.

"Because…" Akito began slowly, his gaze penetrating Yuki where he stood. "…It humiliates him." And a twinge of pleasure flashed across Akito's face at Yuki's horrified expression.

"I don't understand…" Yuki whispered, wanting to recoil from Akito's harsh words.

"…You disapprove?" Akito asked slowly, remaining seated as he took in Yuki's disapproving expression, and Yuki remained silent…having learned not to speak on matters such as this.

"And who exactly are you to believe that I actually give a shit what _you_ think?" Akito took another drag of his cigarette, scrutinizing Yuki as he squirmed under his gaze.

Yuki cast his gaze to the floor, wishing that he could say what he wanted. But he believed the underlying truth of Akito's words. He was nothing. No one. So he held his tongue, and waited. This was far from over, that much he was certain of. Akito let out an exhale of smoke before continuing again, his voice coming low.

"I don't like this new attitude of yours." He began slowly. "And I think it has something to do with that woman you were with at the party…" Yuki felt his heart stop as he let out a small gasp, and Akito's lips twitched up at Yuki's tell.

"Who is she?" Akito coaxed, his velvet voice becoming soothingly gentle, but Yuki could not bring himself to speak…his blood running cold.

"Who. Is. She." Akito hissed in a dangerous tone, becoming exasperated by Yuki's silence.

"Tohru…Honda" Yuki whispered, the name ripped from his lips by that devastating gaze.

"Shigure tells me that you have been spending quite a bit of time with her lately." Akito said. "She's really not your type, though...is she?" His eyes moving slowly over Yuki's body, sending a shudder through Yuki's very core. "Why exactly have you brought her into our world? You know as well as I do that she doesn't belong here…" He took a drag from his cigarette, waiting for Yuki's response.

"She makes me want to be a better person." Yuki murmured, cursing himself for speaking the truth…it would only be held against him.

"Really…" Akito mused in an exhale of smoke. "That's…interesting." A cynical smile playing on his lips. "Do you actually think you can?" He asked, taking in Yuki's confused look before clarifying. "…be a better person?"

"I don't know…" Yuki breathed just above a whisper, his expression a mixture of sad confusion.

"Just look at yourself…" Akito's tone was laced with disgusted pity. "You play the martyr so well, don't you." He took a drag from his cigarette, exhaling the smoke before beginning again. "But you seem to forget that I know all about you…" His face shifted into a calloused smirk. "I know the truth. Inside…you're ugly." He paused, his icy stare burring into Yuki. "Just like me." He whispered, and Yuki felt his very insides crumble.

"Now…about this woman." Akito began again, his tone coming more formal…cold. "I find her to be a disturbing source of distraction for you. Get rid of her." He commanded, and Yuki's face flooded with horrified panic.

"No! Please, Akito, you can't!" The words came in a rush before Yuki even knew what he was doing or saying, the very thought of being without Tohru too overwhelming…too painful.

Akito stood from his seat, causing Yuki to snap his mouth shut in sheer terror. He advanced slowly towards Yuki, his face placid. Every fiber in Yuki's being screamed out for him to run…just _run_. But he made no movement at all as Akito stood before him, not even a breath escaping his lips. Akito took the cigarette from his thin finders and flicked it in Yuki's face. As it bounced off to the floor he snuffed it out with his shoe, never removing his gaze from Yuki's horrified face.

"Say that again…" His voice came in a low hush, his face calm and void of emotion.

"Akito. Please-" But Yuki was cut off by a gentle slap to the face that failed to leave even the faintest of marks, leaving Yuki stunned and completely baffled.

"You can do better than that." Akito's voice was cold. "Tell me how much you want her…" And Yuki's face filled with confusion as he hesitantly opened his mouth again.

"Please don't ask me to give her up…" Yuki whispered weakly, desperation in his voice, and a hand struck his face again with a little more force…leaving a faint red mark on his pale cheek.

"Still not good enough." Akito said, his voice sending a chill through Yuki's body. "…_Beg_ me to keep her…" He whispered, and Yuki began to tremble despite himself.

His thoughts muddled by confusion and chaos, and fearing that his silence might further provoke Akito, Yuki opened his mouth slowly to speak once more. Before his lips had the chance to form words, Yuki watched in horror as the placid expression on Akito's face morphed into a devastatingly malicious sneer. The impact of Akito's fist to Yuki's abdomen took his very breath away. Unprepared, the heavy backhand across his face sent Yuki sailing to the floor with a thud. Landing on his stomach he began to gasp and sputter, his diaphragm failing him, as his mind went blank from the sheer pain radiating through his core. Words he had written years ago flooded his mind to take his body away from the pain

Here I lie forever  
Sorrow still remains  
Will the water pull me down

And wash it all away

He felt a sharp pain on his lower back where Akito placed his knee, putting his weight on the pressure point. Yuki gasped as the pain grew more intense, tears threatening to break through the surface.

Come and take me over  
Welcome to the game  
Will the current drag me down

And carry me away

Suddenly the light begins to fade

Thin fingers entwined themselves in Yuki's hair, and his head was violently ripped up from the floor as his back arched in pain. Akito leaned in slowly, his knee pinning Yuki's lower back to the floor, and Yuki's vision began to fade. Lips found their way to Yuki, and the most awful things came in a torrent of hot breath as Aktio whispered in his ear. Unable to turn away or shut him out, the flood gates were opened as Yuki gasped out course sobs.

HOPELESS

I'm falling down

FILTHY

I can't wake up  
I can not hold on  
I will not let go

WORTHLESS

It's over now

GUILTY

There's no way out  
I can not hold on  
I will not let go

"Do you understand now?" Akito hissed as Yuki went numb, unable to cry out any further. "Learn your place…" His voice came low as he slammed Yuki's face back into the floor, finally releasing him.

Silent I go under  
I am not afraid  
I can see the daylight shine  
And slowly drift away

Safe to say it's over  
Sink into the grave  
There is nothing left inside  
But I am wide awake

I can hear the devil call my name

"Pay close attention, Yuki, because now I'm going to do you a favor." Akito stated, his tone cold and distant. "Remember this moment." And Yuki felt hands move across his body. "Every sensation…" The hands found their way underneath Yuki's shirt as nails dug into his rib cage, drawing blood. "Every cry that passes your lips…" The hands traveled down Yuki's torso to his hips as fingers began to slip their way underneath the rim of his pants. "So that way if you decided to continue your stupidity." A tongue found it's way to the back of Yuki's neck as he let out a gasp, his breathing becoming labored. "And choose to keep this woman around you." The hands slipped around roughly to unfasten the button of his pants. "You won't have to imagine what I will do to her…" He whispered inches from Yuki's ear, and a scream ripped it's way through Yuki's lips as he heard bone chilling laughter.

Akito's body pressed against his, Yuki began to struggle feebly. This wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening. Beginning to hyperventilate, unable to catch his breath, Yuki felt his throat go dry as he felt the hands begin to carry out Akito's threat. His promise. His…_favor._ As Yuki's pants began to slip down, the phone rang, crashing into his consciousness. A second ring of the phone halted Akito's assault.

"Damn it!" Akito cursed under his breath, getting up to go answer the phone. "…I'm busy." He hissed to the person on the other line, his voice low and dangerous.

Yuki crawled himself to the wall, curling into a ball as he watched Akito listen to the person on the other end of the line. Akito's face paled in a brief moment of fear and panic before it contorted into a horrifying expression of uncontrollable rage.

"WHAT!" He shrieked, sending Yuki into a panic. "No! I don't want another opinion!" He hissed, seething with anger, having completely forgotten about Yuki's presence. "I want you to do your _damn_ job!" He growled, finally throwing a side glance in Yuki's direction.

"Get out." Akito's voice was low, his eyes flaring with rage as he looked at Yuki who made no move to get up off the floor. "GET! OUT!" He screamed, slamming the phone down on the receiver, and Yuki finally stood, scrambling to the door in fear.

Yuki nearly knocked Shigure over running out of the room, who had no doubt been drawn by all of the noise. They locked eyes for a brief moment, Shigure completely baffled by the look of panic on Yuki's face. He was about to say something before he was interrupted by the sound of his name.

"SHIGURE!" Akito shreaked at the top of his lungs as Shigure paled in fear, and Yuki took the opportunity to keep running. "Get your _ass_ in here, NOW!"

Yuki never looked back, running until he feared his legs and lungs would give out on him, as he finally made it to his destination. Bursting into his apartment, he collapsed to the floor gasping for air that seemed to refuse to come. Trembling over every inch of his body, Yuki processed what had just happened, and knew what he needed to do next. Slowly making he way from the floor to the phone, he dialed the number with shaky hands. He held his breath as the phone rang, and let out a sigh as the person on the other line finally answered.

"Tohru?" He whispered, his voice quivering uncontrollably. "No…I'm okay. But we need to talk." He said, silent tears making their way down his cheeks. "When can we meet up?"

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in the chapter are from the song "Hopeless" by Breaking Benjamin.**

**If you have enjoyed this chapter, even in the least, go check out Kon13's story "Battered But Not Broken." Believe me when I say you will not be disapointed.**


	13. Sympathy For The Devil

**"Poor wretched soul, what has been thy misfortune that left you morally deficient and absent of grace?"**

* * *

Tohru walked along the path, keeping her gaze vigilant. She had wanted to see him immediately…she was worried. His voice had sounded so sad, almost terrified, over the phone when he had called her. Had it been just days before? It felt like so much time had passed since then. She had tried calling back a few times afterwards, but he never answered, and Haru just told her that he was busy. Maybe he had told her the truth when he said he couldn't meet up right away because of his schedule, but something just felt so…_wrong_.

She stepped off the path and took a seat at the bench where they were supposed to meet. The very bench she had found him sitting at, looking so lost and confused. The way she felt now as she waited. Looking at her watch, Tohru realized she was a bit early, so her gaze followed the river as she wondered what exactly it was that Yuki wanted to talk to her about. Her thoughts were suddenly halted by the sound of her name coming from behind her.

"Hello, Tohru." The gentle voice chimed, and she turned around and gasped at the beautiful stranger before her.

"Um…" Tohru blushed deep crimson, having expected Yuki instead, unprepared for the angelic face she had only seen from a distance. "Hello?" Her voice came a little more timid, unsure of how this person knew her name, and amazed that he was even more attractive in the light.

"We haven't been properly introduced yet." He gave a smile as he pushed himself from the nearby tree he was leaning on and gracefully made his way to the bench to sit next to her. "My name is Akito." And he gave a small chuckle at her perplexed expression.

"Yuki told me all about you." He continued, his voice gentle and velvet. "But I see he hasn't really mentioned me at all to you. How terribly rude of him." He flashed another radiant smile. "I'm his producer."

"Oh wow!" She squeaked, causing Akito to chuckle lightly. "I've never met someone so important before." Her blush deepened as her eyes went to her lap. "Or someone so beautiful." And an astoundingly gorgeous laugh erupted form Akito, causing her to look at him in confusion.

"Oh, my dear." He exclaimed, looking her deep in the eyes. "Flattery will get you absolutely _everywhere_ in this industry." She felt herself slip into frozen entrancement as Akito slowly brushed the back of his cool fingers across her cheek. "And might I say you have the most _stunning_ skin." And a smile graced his lips as Tohru felt a shiver run through her body at his gentle touch.

"Thank you…" She whispered, feeling a little lightheaded as his fingers gently slid the length of her jaw to hold her chin, setting her skin on fire.

"So…" He whispered, his intense gaze causing Tohur's heart to race. "What is such a lovely flower like yourself doing here all alone?" And Tohru's mind went blank as her body willed her lungs to draw in air.

"I'm waiting for Yuki." She answered weakly, letting out a small gasp for air as his hand finally fell from her chin to fish out a pack of cigarettes as he lit one.

"Really…" He mused, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Do you mind terribly if I keep you company?" A cherub smile crossing his angelic face. "I would like to see him myself." He continued, his breath coming in a cloud of smoke. "He's been avoiding me lately, and I'm a little concerned." His words came low as his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"I know what you mean." Tohru whispered, her expression reflecting Akito's, staring off into the river as they both fell into silence.

"Have you ever thought about going into the music business?" He asked casually, finally breaking the silence, and Tohru sputtered in shock and surprise.

"Oh no!" Her eyes grew large as Akito chuckled out a puff of smoke. "I have a terrible singing voice." She continued.

"Well I find that hard to believe. A pretty face like yours must have an equally pretty voice." He smiled, and Tohru averted her gaze.

"No. Really, I don't." She whispered, her gaze falling to her lap. "Even Yuki says so…and he should know."

"Well that's very uncharitable of him to say." Akito frowned, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"It's true, though." She gave a faint smile, watching Akito as he dropped his cigarette and snuffed it out.

"I say _I_ get to be the judge of that." He finally turned to look at her again, an angelic smile crossing his face. "Here." He said, handing her a business card. "In case you decide to change your mind. I enjoy doing a little talent scouting of my own. Like I always say, if you want something done right you need to do it yourself." His voice came sweet. "That's how I found my Yuki, after all."

"Thank you." Tohru chimed, an innocent smile beaming across her face as she accepted the card from Akito.

"You really are a kind, gentle soul, aren't you." He smiled. "I have to admit I'm more then a little curious as to how you became such a remarkable woman?" He said, holding her gaze.

"My mom had a lot to do with it." Tohru answered sweetly. "People aren't born with kindness, it grows with them…and she taught me how important it is to show kindness to others." She smiled at the memory of her mother.

"She sounds like a wonderful lady." Akito stated, his cherub smile taking her breath away.

"She was." She agreed with a nod. "But she passed away in a car accident when I was young." Tohru replied, the smile fading from her lips.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Akito stated in a low tone. "Life is just too short." He mused, once again staring off into the distance at the river. "And no matter how hard we struggle, we all end up dying in the end." He whispered, a heartbreakingly sad expression passing across his face for a brief moment.

"I must say, I find it so refreshing to talk to someone outside of the industry." His gaze finally returned to hers, the gentle, happy smile once again on his lips. "Someone who doesn't know my reputation."

"And what is that?" Tohru asked, genuinely surprised at his words.

"Well." He gave a small chuckle. "That really depends on who you talk to." And Tohru couldn't help but giggle.

"You're reputation can't be all that bad." She exclaimed. "You're so…_nice_." And Akito laughed.

"You don't know the half of it, my sweet little lamb. I have a knack for gathering the particularly wicked around me." He said with a smile, taking in Tohru's confused expression.

"So…what does that make you in all of this?" She asked, genuinely curious about what he had just revealed.

"That's a good question." Akito mused, pausing briefly before giving his answer. "I suppose that makes me the devil himself." He said, flashing her a smile, and they both began laughing.

Akito gave a gentle, sweet smile as he took a strand of Tohru's hair between his fingers. Looking into her eyes, he began to sing in a bewitching voice.

Please allow me to introduce myself  
I'm a man of wealth and taste

Tohru let out a nervous giggle, her cheeks blushing crimson. She hadn't even thought that he knew how to sing himself.

I've been around for a long, long year  
Stole many a mans soul and faith

He leaned in a little, his voice growing more velvet as a smile played across his face.

And I was round when Jesus Christ  
Had his moment of doubt and pain

Torhu remained still, frozen in his gaze and enthralled by his presence.

Made damn sure that Pilate  
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

She found herself leaning towards him, unsure of where the desire was coming from…to be closer to him.

Pleased to meet you  
Hope you guess my name

Akito continued to sing, taking in every emotion that flashed across her innocent face.

But what's puzzling you  
Is the nature of my game

He came to a pause, giving her an angelic smile.

"Oh wow!" She chimed, completely breathless. "That was amazing!" She squeaked, and Akito began to chuckle.

"One of the better productions I was involved in." He said, giving a casual shrug as he let her hair slip through his fingers.

"Akito! What have you done?" A horrified cry broke their lighthearted chatter, and as Akito turned his gaze to its source a slight smirk twitched up on the corner of his lips.

"There you are, my pet." An innocent smile graced Akito's face. "We've been waiting for you." He stood from the bench and began to approach Yuki, who wore a mixture of terrified horror on his face.

"What did you do to Tohru?" Panic flared in Yuki's voice as his gaze went from Akito to a baffled Tohru.

"Why, I was just introducing myself…since you failed to do so yourself." Akito responded, his tone calm and even. "Isn't that right, Tohru?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder at the confused girl sitting on the bench. "We were just introducing ourselves, right?" His voice took on a more firm tone, and Tohru simply nodded in response.

"I must say I am extremely disappointed that you would leave such an innocent creature all alone to wait for you." Akito continued, turning his gaze back to Yuki. "You just never know what type of fiend might come along to claim her." He whispered, sending a chill down Yuki's spine.

In one graceful movement Akito closed the gap between them as he gently placed a cool hand on the back of Yuki's neck, drawing him in.

"Get rid of the ugly bitch." He hissed in Yuki's ear, his voice barely audible, causing Yuki to tremble. "Or so help me, she will suffer as you suffer." And Yuki felt his heart sink as Akito moved to look him in the eye.

"Do what you know you need to." Akito's voice came monotone, his gaze driving into Yuki as his fingers moved to hold Yuki's chin roughly. "Come back to me." He nodded once, then a malicious smile spread across his face. "Now…go make me proud."

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Sympathy for the Devil" By The Rolling Stones. Shut up...it's a classic.**


	14. You

**"Father, forgive us our transgressions, as we forgive those who transgress against us."**

* * *

Tohru looked on in confusion. She couldn't hear what they were talking about, but whatever it was, Yuki looked simply petrified. Akito had been so kind, she simply didn't understand Yuki's reaction. He seemed so…scared. For himself? For her? Why? She watched Akito's back as he moved in close to whisper something to Yuki, and swore that she saw Yuki begin to visibly shake from the physical contact. Suddenly Akito turned on his heals towards her, the same gentle smile on his face.

"Well, my dear, I must say it was a pleasure." Akito spoke, his voice gentle and velvet, moving towards her as she slowly stood from the bench. "It's not every day that the den of devils greets such a lovely angel." He stood before her, gently taking her hand and raised it to his cool lips, giving it a kiss.

Yuki felt his stomach churned with sick nausea and panic at this display. Why was Akito doing this to him? He had already settled on letting her go, so why was Akito even here?

"You two had a date, so I wont take any more of your time." Akito continued, releasing her hand as she blushed at his inference about their meeting.

Akito gave another smile before turning to walk away. As he walked towards Yuki he paused, causing Yuki to shrink back slightly.

"But be quick, my pet." Akito stated in a sweet tone. "We have a tight schedule." He smiled as he continued to walk past Yuki, lighting another cigarette along the way.

In a flash, Yuki quickly moved to Tohru, wrapping her in a tight embrace before she even had the chance to be alarmed. Slowly, she responded in kind, gently bringing her arms around his back and resting her head on his chest. She noticed that her eyes had not deceived her, as she felt him quake uncontrollably in her arms. They stood in silence, holding each other, before she felt a low whisper of breath on the top of her head.

"You're really okay?" The low hush came and she squeezed tighter, nodding comfortingly into his chest…and suddenly gentle hands drew her away from him by the arms as he stared into her eyes.

"Did he say anything to you?" He asked, his eyes focused on her face, looking for an answer.

"No." She responded, confusion flooding her face at Yuki's inference. "We really did just greet each other." She confirmed, and saw Yuki's expression relax slightly as he finally let her go.

Yuki stared at her face taking in every line, every freckle, the multitude of colors in her eyes. Committing to memory everything that he knew he would never see again. If he could have, Yuki would beg for her forgiveness beforehand for what he was about to do. But that was impossible. What he was about to do to her was simply unforgivable. He needed to make sure of that…for her own good. He looked away from her face, preparing his heart for what he knew needed to happen, words flooding his mind that he knew he could never tell her for fear she might stay.

My hands are broken,  
And time is going on and on,

It goes forever

How long?

"You said we needed to talk." Tohru's voice came gentle as she rested her tiny hand on his cheek, causing him to meet her gaze.

"I did." He acknowledged, his voice hollow.

"What's going on, Yuki?" She asked, her eyes filled with concern and sorrow, and Yuki knew he would only be making it worse.

So I got high and

Lived all that life that

I've taken all for granted.

"I've been really distracted lately." He began, gently moving her hand from his face, instantly missing her touch as he did so. "And I'm really sorry." He whispered, wishing he could offer her more in the way of an apology…she deserved better.

"But…" He continued as she listened to his words patiently. "I think it's best if you stop coming around." His words came cold and emotionless as he watched Tohru's face flood with confusion.

Promise me you'll try  
To leave it all behind,  
'cause I've elected hell,  
Lying to myself.  
Why have I gone blind?  
Live another life.

You. You.

"You can't really mean that…" Tohru's voice trembled as her lower lip quivered, and Yuki simply nodded, his gaze as heartless as his words. "But…I thought that we were…" And her voice fell silent as she watched Yuki's face change.

The only way out  
Is letting your guard down

And never die forgotten

I know

"You. Thought. What." His words came in a low hiss, and she flinched as if she had been struck. "That we were friends?" Yuki glared, causing Tohru to take a step back, and he fought against the desire to pull her close to him again.

Forgive me, my love,  
I stand here all alone,

And I can see the bottom.

"Don't be so fucking stupid, Tohru!" He spat, and tears began to make their way down Tohru's cheek.

"You _can't_ be my friend." And he turned his face away in an attempt to hide the searing pain in his body…he would endure this for her.

Promise me you'll try  
To leave it all behind,  
'cause I've elected hell,  
Lying to myself.  
Why have I gone blind?  
Live another life.

"Just leave." He whispered, his voice and soul completely empty.

You. You.  
You. You.  
You. You.

"You don't belong." Yuki mumbled, finally returning his gaze to her heartbroken face. "Just…go." He breathed as he turned away, walking off into the distance.

Yuki looked in the distance to find that Akito had not left, and seemed to be waiting for him. His face grew taught as he tried to block out the voice calling his name. Akito met his gaze, and gave an approving smile at the devastation Yuki left behind him.

Tohru stared blankly at Yuki's back as he walked away, reeling from what had just happened. Had her presence really been that much of a burden to him? She tried to stifle the sobs rocking her tiny frame to no avail. Tohru wanted desperately to go after him…to ask him why…but Yuki had made it very clear that she was no longer wanted.

She watched as Yuki made his way to Akito, who opened his arms wide in a welcoming embrace. Akito wrapped his arms possessively around Yuki, who responded by resting his head on Akito's shoulder, remaining motionless in his hold. And an unexplainable shudder ran through her body as Akito met her gaze, his eyes frighteningly cold and lifeless as he stared at her from over Yuki's shoulder. A wicked smile formed on his beautiful face, causing Tohru to avert her gaze as he finally led Yuki away off into the distance.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "You" by Breaking Benjamin.**


	15. The Natural Life

**My children, I have led you in the dance of introductions, dread, levity, despair, and the fall. Now, prepare yourselves…for a twist. This chapter is once again dedicated to my dear friend and nemesis Whispers and Rain. My gift to you… and as a Kyo fan, I know you will be grateful!**

* * *

Yuki sat on the ground staring off into the distance. He hugged his knees to his chest, fighting off the cold around him despite the unseasonably hot weather. Practice had ended early, but Haru had stayed behind inside the studio, so Yuki allowed his thoughts to wander while waiting for him. A searing pain constricted his heart as her face entered his thoughts. Not the one he had wanted to see. The one he had left…on her. His face contorted as he berried it in his knees, fighting off tears he didn't want to cry anymore. He didn't want to feel _anything_ anymore. Letting out a sigh as he pulled himself together, Yuki came to rest his chin on his knees.

He ignored the people coming in and out of the studio, their stares and whispers rolling off his back. He didn't care what anyone thought of him. The only person who had ever really mattered to him was gone, and it was his fault. He knew that…accepted it, in fact. Things were better this way. Not for him, perhaps, but for her. And that was the only thing that mattered. That gave him the only piece of solace he could find in the darkness. He gave a hollow smile. Now that she was gone, he found is surprisingly easy to just give up. To let the darkness envelop him. So easy.

Yuki's attention was ripped from his thoughts as he finally noticed someone familiar approaching the building. His smile faded…he had been expecting this for a while now. Slowly standing to his feet, Yuki felt the ache radiate through his legs. Had he really been sitting that long? Yuki readied himself as he watched the figure approach in a quickened pace, and braced himself for what he knew was coming.

"You son of a bitch!" Pain radiated through Yuki's jaw as he absorbed the impact to his face, remaining motionless where he stood.

"What took you so long?" He asked, his voice bitter as he glared at the orange haired man standing before him.

"You really are a sick bastard." Kyo hissed punching Yuki in the face again, but Yuki made no move to defend himself as blood began to drip down his lip.

"And yet you never kept her from me, did you…" Yuki murmured, his eyes burning into Kyo's as he found himself wishing he had, and Kyo bristled in anger.

"How _dare_ you make this _my_ fault!" And the final impact to Yuki's cheekbone made him go down to one knee.

"…do you feel better now?" He whispered, keeping his gaze to the ground.

"You _ever_ come near her again…I swear I will kill you myself." Kyo hissed, his fists clenched in anger as he glared down at the man slumped before him, and Yuki looked up with a hollow smile.

"I think there might actually be a line for that…" His voice came as dead and hollow as his smile, and Kyo found himself a little disturbed as he finally turned on his heals to leave.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Haru's voice came from the door of the studio as he caught Kyo's retreating form, and Yuki remained silent on the ground.

"…what happened to your face?" Haru asked, finally looking down to take in the injuries to Yuki's lip and cheekbone.

"What does it matter…" Yuki mumbled, his gaze falling back to the ground.

"What's going on with you, Yuki?" Haru asked, crouching down to Yuki's level, taking his chin gently between his fingers to asses the damage.

"Apparently my body is wide open for punishment." Yuki's voice came cold as his empty eyes met Haru's concerned gaze. "Care to take a turn?" And Haru automatically recoiled, dropping his hand from Yuki's face.

"What the hell, Yuki?" Haru scowled, taken off guard by his roommate's bizarre disposition.

"Well, if you're not interested in kicking my ass, I'll just find someone who is." Yuki came in monotone as he stood and began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Haru shouted after him, confusion flooding his face as he started stand himself.

"I'm going to find Akito." Was the only response Haru was given, causing him to freeze in place as he watched Yuki walk off without looking back.

He gathered his thoughts as he walked in silence. Was this his way of finally taking his fate in his own hands? In seeking out his tormenter, could he actually find some sense of peace? Yuki conceded that it didn't really matter, Akito had left him no other option. _'Come back to me…'_ the voice in his head beckoned, and Yuki decided he would become as dirty and filthy as Akito wanted him to be. There was no reason left to strive to be better. Akito had taken that away, along with everything else. Yuki gave out an empty laugh to himself as he continued to walk to Akito's office, Akito was his only option. Tohru was safe, and Yuki finally had an answer to Akito's question: no…he couldn't be a better person.

Yuki paused outside of Akito's office, taking in a deep breath. He had no idea what to expect, and despite his resolve, Yuki felt himself tremble with fear. This was not the end he had wanted, but there was nothing else left for him. Raising his hand to the doorknob, he let out a sigh. There was no turning back now. His mind was made up. Opening the door, Yuki was taken by complete surprise. His face shifted in a brief moment of confusion before he caught himself and remembered his purpose for coming here in the first place.

"Where is he?" Yuki asked coldly, his voice coming like ice as he peered down at the unexpected person sitting at Akito's desk.

"What the hell happened to your face?" Shigure asked, looking up with a baffled expression from the paperwork laid out on the desk.

"Why do you care…" Yuki muttered in a low tone, and Shigure's expression tightened as he considered this question.

"I suppose I really don't." He finally responded, moving his attention back to the mound of paperwork on the desk.

"So, where is he?" Yuki asked again, frustration building at the thought that Shigure had purposely chosen to ignore his question.

"Who?" Shigure asked, looking back up from his work with an irked expression.

"Who in the hell do you think?" Yuki spat, his patience completely nonexistent. "Where is Akito…" His voice came low, and Shigure scowled at him.

"Why would you think I know where he is?" Shigure retorted, placing his pen down on the desk, peering at Yuki through his reading glasses.

"I don't know…" Yuki responded frostily. "You two seem pretty close." He continued, keeping his gaze on Shigure. "Now, where is he?" He hissed, growing tired of having to repeat himself.

"What do I look like?" Shigure growled. "His personal assistant?"

"No." Yuki retorted coldly. "You look like his girlfriend. Now tell me where he is, or so help me, Shigure…" Yuki stated, his eyes conveying the threat he was willing to act on in order to get what he wanted, and Shigure just sat at the desk slack-jawed.

"The last I heard he was planning on stopping by the hospital." Shigure huffed after a moment of silence, and Yuki's face filled with utter confusion.

"Why in the hell would he go visit the hospital?" Yuki spat, completely frustrated.

"What makes you think he would share something like that with me?" Shigure retorted, his gaze hardened as he glared at Yuki.

"Fine…" Yuki glowered back at Shigure, seeing that this conversation was effectively over, before turning to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Shigure shouted after him, and Yuki decided to ignore him completely as he stalked off towards his new destination.

Yuki entered the hospital, and the sudden feeling of falling hit him as he stepped through the threshold of the doors. The cold air rushing towards him as he moved from the heat of the outside to the air conditioned building made him feel ill. Yuki had never liked hospitals, ever. They only stood as reminders of all the pain he had ever gone through. Being pulled from class when his mother had overdosed. His own stay when he had attempted to end his life. Everyone always saw hospitals as the beacon of hope and healing, but Yuki knew better. People only came here to die. He slowly made his way to the service desk, never loosing sight of the doors to the outside world, his escape. Looking at the old lady behind the desk, he gave a gentle smile before introducing himself.

"Excuse me." He spoke softly, but the old lady didn't look up from her paperwork. "I'm here to see Akito." He spoke a little louder, not sure if she could hear him from behind the desk, and she looked up at him briefly with a scowl before returning to her work.

"Did you say you were looking for Akito?" A monotone voice manifested from behind Yuki, making him jump slightly before he turned around to see who it was who had spoken to him.

Yuki was a little stunned when he came eye to eye with a tall, lean doctor, who looked too young to be so advanced in the medical field. Yuki found himself wondering how the nurses got any work done around this man, and gave a slight blush as he realized he was beginning to stare. The Doctor riffled through the charts in his arms, his face pensive as he finally paused to look back up at Yuki.

"Akito never informed me that anyone would be coming by." He stated, his expression stoic and guarded as he eyed Yuki carefully.

"Yeah." Yuki nodded once. "Akito has a _really_ bad habit of not telling people what he's up to." He finished, and was a little surprised when he saw a smirk form on the doctor's lips.

"This way." The doctor prompted as he began to walk, and Yuki gave a small smile, apparently he had gotten in the doctor's good graces.

Yuki followed the doctor in silence down the winding corridor. The florescent lights made the white walls and linoleum tiles unbearable to look at, and Yuki felt a migraine developing as he tried his best to stay focused on the doctor's back. The last thing he needed was to get lost in here. Had he not been paying more attention, Yuki would have run right into the doctor as he abruptly halted in front of one of the doors lining the corridor.

**Hold still**

The words from one of his song came crashing into his consciousness as Yuki looked up at the doctor in confusion. The doctor quickly turned around to face him, his expression placid and stoic as he looked down at Yuki. Why had they stopped here? He wanted to see Akito, so why were they outside of a patient's room?

All of my life  
All of my time  
I don't wanna come back around tonight

"Would you like me to take a look at that for you?" The doctor asked gently, eyeing Yuki's face for a moment as he patiently waited for Yuki's reply.

And all that I need  
Is serenity  
I don't wanna feel your new disease

"No." Yuki whispered with the shake of his head, averting his gaze to the painful linoleum floor. "I'm fine, thanks." And the doctor nodded once before going back to business.

The natural life  
You're born, you die

The natural life  
You're wrong, you're right

"Don't be long." The doctor spoke sternly as his face became expressionless again. "He needs his rest." And with that the doctor proceeded down the hall before Yuki even had a chance to say anything.

The natural life  
You're born, you die

Looking at the door, Yuki felt a sudden rush of dread. Why was Akito here? Why was _he_ even here. He tried to remember why he was doing this in the first place. Was it finally for his own reasons? Raising his trembling hand to the doorknob he heard the voice once more in his head…_ 'Come back to me…'_ Yuki was here for Akito…but…why was _he_ here? Yuki's shaky hand turned the doorknob, and as he cracked it open he let out a small gasp.

The natural life's a lie

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "The Natural Life" by Breaking Benjamin.**


	16. Forever

**"You have heard it said you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. For if you love only those who love you, what reward is there in that?" The Passion of The Christ (2004)**

* * *

Peering into the room Yuki's vision was assaulted by the natural light streaming through the window. Waiting for his eyes to focus while fighting off the migraine, Yuki squinted to get a better layout of the room before entering. Holding his breath, Yuki passed through the threshold, his legs responding like lead as he moved towards the hospital bed. Was this even real? No. It couldn't be real. Yuki was dreaming, he was absolutely certain of it. None of this could be real. It was impossible.

Stopping next to the bedside Yuki just stared, beside himself. Stretching out an unsteady hand, he needed to make sure…needed to know. Gentle fingers worked their way to make contact, brushing away jet black hair from the face he no longer recognized. Letting out the breath he had held in a sigh, Yuki allowed his fingers to linger on the pale cheek. A stark contrast from the hair he had brushed away, but Yuki was still in complete disbelief. This wasn't real. The face he looked at wore an expression he had never seen before, one he could barely identify.

Just then the gentle expression changed as eyebrows pulled into a soft furrow of disturbed sleep. Yuki quickly removed his hand, but couldn't look away from the breathtaking beauty of this face. It was so…human. Eyelashes fluttered and slowly opened, reveling a confused, groggy gaze that met his. Yuki sucked in the air around him as he whispered one word in a guarded, fragile voice.

"Akito?" He whispered, and watched in horror as awareness dawned on the face and it changed into an expression Yuki was all too familiar with…He wasn't suppose to be here.

"What are you doing here…" Akito hissed in a low, dangerous tone, his expression cold as his piercing gaze narrowed causing Yuki to let out a small, terrified, gasp.

Akito began to sit up from the bed, never letting his eyes drift away from Yuki's horrified expression. His thin fingers slowly pulled the hospital gown back over his exposed shoulder, covering skin that was more pale than normal. Yuki watched as rage played beneath the placid, cold expression on Akito's face, and knew that he was waiting for an answer. Thoughts rushed through Yuki's mind as he scrambled to find an explanation to appease the man sitting before him.

"Well." Akito murmured, his words coming slow and deliberate. "What you do you want? Speak." His expression hardened as Yuki dropped his gaze.

"I…" Yuki whispered, his voice weak and barely audible. "I was looking for you." He admitted, though never imagined it would be under these circumstances.

"Why." Akito's voice came frigid, his eyes reading the emotions that flashed across Yuki's face as he considered this question.

"Because." Yuki breathed wordlessly, feeling the weight of Akito's gaze as he found himself speaking the truth. "You are all that is left for me to have." His eyes finally met Akito's in surprise as Akito's expression became uncharacteristically gentle.

"Come." Akito beckoned in a soothing voice, and Yuki felt himself unwillingly drawn to his side.

"Who did this to you, my pet?" Akito questioned in a gentle whisper, raising his cold fingers to trace their way across Yuki's face as Yuki let out a sigh, holding Akito's hand to his cheek.

"Do you really even care?" Yuki asked, his voice a mixture of sad confusion as Akito slowly withdrew his hand, his expression becoming cold and emotionless once again.

"I don't like other's mishandling my property." His words came as a slap, and Yuki felt his heart sink as he was once again reminded of what he was.

"So." Yuki spoke hesitantly after a moment of uncomfortable silence, finding himself wanting answers he knew he shouldn't have. "What's wrong?" His expression guarded with uncertainty, fearing Akito's anger.

"Aren't we curious today…" Akito murmured, a sick little smirk playing on the corner of his lips as he let out a light chuckle. "Leukemia." He finally stated with a tone of indifference, deciding to humor Yuki. "Apparently it's terminal." He shrugged.

"I'm sorry." Yuki whispered, unable to comprehend the mixture of overwhelming grief and elation that washed over him at Akito's response.

Yuki was startled out his thoughts by a torrent of bitter laughter. He looked up to see Akito's face twisted in a malicious sneer. If Yuki where more certain, he could have sworn that Aktio's eyes had gone slightly red and puffy with the threat of tears. Just the light playing tricks, he thought.

"This is just perfect." Akito growled. "Don't tell me you actually feel _sorry_ for me." He glared at Yuki. "I don't _want_ pity from the likes of _you._" He spat, indignation dripping from his words, causing Yuki to flinch.

"I didn't mean it like that." Yuki responded, feeling slightly frustrated and embarrassed as he felt his cheeks flush. "I don't think anyone could pity you…" He mumbled, averting his gaze to the floor.

"What did you say…" Akito hissed, and a starling epiphany stuck Yuki like a bolt of lightning…this could end today if he wanted.

"I said I forgive you." Yuki stated as his gaze drifted back to Akito, his voice more confident and self-assured than he could have possibly imagined.

"What?" Akito shrieked, rage filling his eyes as he went to strike Yuki across the face.

In a flash Yuki snatched his hand by the wrist, and Akito's face flooded with panic and fear. In one graceful, fluid motion Yuki drew Akito slightly up from the bed into a strong embrace. He feebly struggled against Yuki, who simply held tighter onto his frail body.

"I forgive you." Yuki whispered in his ear, feeling Akito's fragile form begin to tremble in his arms.

"Why?" Akito choked out angrily, still struggling against the embrace.

"Because" Yuki's words came in a low hush. "A part of me foolishly hopes that you will allow it." He said. "Please, Akito." Desperation filled his voice as Akito continued to fight him off. "Please just allow me to forgive you…"

"I don't want it!" Akito hissed in a raspy voice. "I don't." His breathing became labored as he began to heave in Yuki's arms. "I don't want…" And suddenly Akito's body went lax in Yuki's arms as he began to sob.

Akito buried his face in Yuki's chest as heavy sobs continued to rock his body. Yuki relaxed his hold slightly, and began to rub soothing circles around Akito's upper back, amazed at how thin Akito actually was. As the sobs subsided Yuki finally release him, looking into a face he had never seen before. His expression became taught, and Akito's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Okay." Yuki's tone came low and serious. "Scoot your ass." And he let out a small chuckle as Akito scowled at him, but complied, and Yuki took a seat next to him on the bed propping up his combat boots on the bed rail.

Yuki helped Akito get settled as he rested his head on Yuki's shoulder. An exhausted sigh escaped Akito's lips as he closed his eyes. His breathing becoming even and almost inaudible, Yuki thought for a moment that he had fallen back to sleep before a gentle, almost fragile voice spoke his name.

"Yuki." He whispered, his eyes still closed as he spoke. "Will you sing to me?" And Yuki let out a small chuckle as he riffled through the number of lyrics in his head before finding a song he had written that Akito might actually like.

Do you know

I could never leave you?

Yuki began to sing in a gentle voice, and a small smile played across Akito's pale lips.

And you know

I could never beat you?

He continued gently, his voice low and velvet as he sang.

In a fight,

I could never fight you,

Yuki looked out the window into the clear blue sky of the outside world as he felt Akito sink closer into his side.

Never mind,

I will not forget you.

He finished, and felt Akito stir, causing him to look at the man resting next to him. Yuki was a little shocked to see the expression on Akito's face as their eyes met. And as Akito's lips moved to speak, his words came guarded, almost cautious.

"Do you really mean that?" He asked, and Yuki's face flooded with confusion as he tried to understand what Aktio was asking him. "Will you remember me when I'm gone?" He asked, his voice fading as he looked away. "I'm so afraid…" He whispered. "…of being forgotten." And Yuki let out a sigh.

"Akito…I could never forget you." He answered, his expression turning a little sad. "Even if I wanted to ." And at this, Akito's lips turned down in a stunningly beautiful frown.

"There is nothing I wouldn't have done to keep you with me…_nothing_." He said, and Yuki knew that Akito was speaking the truth.

"So this is how I had to gain my freedom from you…" Yuki mused. "Only in death…" And they both stared at each other in silence, understanding that this was the end…for both of them.

"You know." Yuki continued, wrapping his arm around Akito, drawing him gently into his side. "I think I actually liked you better when I was thoroughly convinced you had no soul." And Akito gave a light chuckle.

"And I think I liked you more when I was absolutely convinced of your unwavering hatred for me." Akito responded, and they both began to laugh lightly.

"Don't worry." Yuki chuckled. "I still think you're an evil bastard." And Akito smiled, apparently pleased by this statement, before contorting his body to fish for something hidden underneath his pillow.

Pulling a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from underneath his pillow, Akito fished one out and lit it up, taking a slow drag. Yuki just looked on in stunned disbelief, his jaw going slack as Akito simply stared off out the window past Yuki, ignoring his disapproving expression.

"I suppose I have become so evil and filled with hatred that I am rotting away from the very inside." Akito mused to himself, a slightly sad expression crossing his face, and Yuki rolled his eyes.

"No." Yuki retorted, causing Akito to look at him with a miffed expression. "You're rotting from the inside because you're a chain smoker with a two-pack-a-day habit." He spat.

"That too…" Akito conceded coolly, taking a drag of his cigarette. "But I like my explanation better…" He stated in a cloud of smoke.

"You would, you arrogant son of a bitch." Yuki responded, and Akito's expression grew dangerously taught.

"You leave my mother out of this." He hissed in a low tone, delicately holding the cigarette between his fingers as he glared at Yuki.

"Hell Akito, I would!" Yuki glowered at him, his voice taking on an edge. "But she made the mistake of birthing your evil ass." And Akito took another drag of his cigarette, completely unfazed.

"A fact she reminds me of on a daily basis." Akito muttered under his breath as he let out another cloud of smoke, and Yuki felt a swell of pity sweep over him.

"Put that out." A deep voice barked, pulling their attention to the door of the room where the young lean doctor stood, and Akito glared at him with an indignant expression.

"What." Akito hissed in a dark, menacing tone. "A man can't have a cigarette after a conjugal visit?" He raised an eyebrow as Yuki buried his face in his hand with a heavy sigh.

"I've already told you smoking will aggravate your condition." The doctor retorted, ignoring Akito's deflection.

"I'm dying, Hatori." Akito spat, and Yuki was a little surprised at how casually he addressed the doctor. "That gives me the right to do whatever the hell I want."

"You are my patient, and under doctor's orders." The doctor came coolly, never loosing his professional demeanor. "Now put that out."

"Hatori…" Akito's voice grew low as he glowered at the doctor. "Go fret over somebody who's actually going to live…" His tone came cold. "You're beginning to bother me." Akito took another drag of his cigarette to drive home the point that his doctor wouldn't win this time, blowing smoke in his direction as the doctor's expression became taught before exiting the room.

Akito watched as the doctor left the room, and his face finally relaxed a little as he exhaled another cloud of smoke. Yuki just sat next to him, completely baffled by the interaction between the two men. He finally got the nerve to speak again, as Akito took another drag of his cigarette.

"So…" Yuki came, breaking the silence. "He seems to be awfully concerned for your wellbeing." He observed as Akito gave him a side glance.

"Who? Hatori?" He asked, the cigarette dangling from his lips. "That bastard's been waiting for me to die for years now…" He muttered in a cloud of smoke.

"What did you do to offend him?" Yuki asked, though the voice in his head told him he probably didn't want to know.

"He's my family doctor…" Akito stated slowly, a smirk twitching on the corner of his lips, and Yuki felt a sudden swell of pity for the man.

"Why don't you go with someone else if you truly dislike him?" Yuki asked, a little perplexed, knowing that Akito could afford to see any doctor he wanted.

"I don't want anyone else touching my body." Akito murmured, snuffing out his spend cigarette in one of the empty jello cups on the tray next to him.

"That's a lie and you know it." The monotone voice manifested again, making Yuki jump.

"Does he always pop out of nowhere like that?" Yuki asked, and Akito simply nodded once in response as they both stared at the doctor standing in the doorway with an armful of charts.

"You're stuck with me because none of the other physicians will take you on as a patient." The doctor stated coolly. "Trust me…I've asked." He locked his calm gaze on Akito, who's expression was a mixture of anger and irritation. "And the next time I catch you smoking I _will_ have the nurses do a thorough search of your room." He threatened, and Akito's face grew taught as he clenched his jaw.

"Anything else, or are you actually going to leave me alone now?" Akito hissed through clenched teeth, and a small smile twitched up on the corner of the doctor's lips.

"You have another visitor." Was all he said before turning on his heals to leave the room once more.

Their attention was held at the threshold of the door, both waiting for the new arrival, and Yuki found himself wondering who else might possibly want to visit Akito. As the new guest entered the room Yuki's face flushed deep red as he quickly hopped off the bed and away from Akito's side. Glancing down at Akito, Yuki saw that his expression had morphed into the cold, seething anger that Yuki was so accustom to.

"What in the hell are _you_ doing here…_Isuzu_?" Akito hissed, his voice seething with rage that caused both Yuki and the young woman to recoil.

"Rin." Yuki mumbled a soft greeting, casting his gaze to the floor, unable to look at either one of them.

"Hari called me." She whispered, refusing to advance any further, and Yuki surmised that Rin was more fond of the good doctor than Akito was. "Why didn't you tell me you were this sick?" She asked, her expression one of sadness and grief.

"Because." Akito's voice grew low and cold as his gaze penetrated the motionless young woman. "It was none of your business." He spat.

"Brother…" Rin whispered, traces of tears forming on her eyelashes.

"Have you told Mother yet…" Akito asked, his gaze floating to the window as he spoke.

"No." She responded, shaking her head. "Not yet."

"Good." Akito's voice came harsh, his gaze still focused on the outside world. "I don't want that bitch to have the satisfaction of celebrating my death." His tone was low as he finally looked back at Rin.

Rin finally walked towards the hospital bed with slow, graceful movements, as Yuki began to make his way out of the room. As they passed each other Rin gave him a meaningful glance, asking with her eyes how Akito was really doing, and Yuki simply shook his head. She paused at the bedside, finally taking a seat next to Akito who refused to look at her.

Yuki watched from the threshold of the door as Rin stretched a gentle hand to Akito's cheek, turning his head to face her. Lips moved silently and Yuki watched as Akito's expression grew soft as the two of them touched foreheads, their identical jet black hair blending together as their lips moved in calm communication. A single tear ran down Akito's face as Rin's fingers quickly brushed it away, and Yuki realized that she had been the only person to bring out Akito's better nature. And Yuki concluded that this was the same reason Akito had pushed her so far away. With a gentle smile, Yuki finally took his leave to give them privacy.

Walking down the hall, Yuki contemplated how this particular day had taken such an unexpected turn. Lost in his own thoughts, he was completely unaware of his surroundings until it was too late. Nearly falling to the floor from the impact, he finally came to awareness as large, innocent eyes met his in complete surprise.

"Tohru?" He gasped completely baffled by the face that met his, and she crashed into him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace as his body remained motionless in shock.

"Haru told me you were in the hospital." She began, tears streaming down her face, her words coming in deep sobs. "And I was so worried about you." And Yuki concluded that Haru had actually spoken to Shigure.

Yuki's mind and body finally caught up to the situation, and he wrapped his arms around her as tears of his own trailed down his cheeks. How was it that she should ever come back to him? He knew that he didn't deserve her. He wasn't good enough. But she was…here…he held the proof in his arms. Looking down at her, there was only one thing he wanted to say. That he needed to tell her.

"I am so sorry." He whispered, squeezing her more tightly to him. "For everyth-" And his words were cut short by a gentle hand that touched his lips as Tohru looked up at him, her eyes filled with understanding, and Yuki felt the desire to remain with her like this…forever.

* * *

**A/N: Feature lyrics are from the song "Forever" by Breaking Benjamin.**


	17. Gravity

Becoming frustrated with his attempts to straighten his tie Yuki finally backed away from the bathroom mirror and slumped to the floor, admitting defeat. With nothing else to do, Yuki fished out his I-pod from his suit pocket, popping in his ear buds. Yuki thumbed through the list of songs. He still wasn't quite over the time Haru had stole his I-pod and put random country music on it just to piss him off, but Yuki was too lazy to actually do anything about it. Finally stopping on the song he had been looking for, he pushed play as the name of the song flashed across the I-pod screen. Yuki closed his eyes and took deep breaths, allowing himself to become absorbed in the melodic tones as he leaned the back of his head against the bathroom wall.

**"Gravity"**

Lost again

Broken and weary unable to

Find my way

Tail in hand  
Dizzy and clearly unable to  
Just let this go

I am

Surrendering

To gravity and the unknown  
Catch me

Heal me

Lift me back up to the sun  
I choose to live

I fell again  
Like a baby unable to

Stand on my own

Tail in hand  
Dizzy and clearly unable to

Just let this go

I am

Surrendering

To gravity and the unknown

Catch me

Heal me

Lift me back up to the sun  
I choose to live,

I choose to live,

I choose to live

Catch me

Heal me

Lift me back up to the sun  
Help me survive the bottom

Calm these hands before

They  
Snare another pill

And  
Drive another nail

Down

Another needy hole

Please release me

I am

Surrendering

To gravity and the unknown  
Catch me

Heal me

Lift me back up to the sun  
I choose to live

I choose to live

"Are you ready to go?" A gentle voice came from the threshold of the open door, pulling Yuki from his thoughts as the song faded to an end, and Yuki stood from the bathroom floor removing his ear-buds and placing the I-pod on the bathroom counter.

"Yeah, I think so." Yuki answered, looking back at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. "…I look like an idiot…" He muttered under his breath with a frown, looking at the mess he had made with his tie.

"Of course you look like an idiot." Haru stated, approaching Yuki and stretching out his fingers to gingerly fix Yuki's tie. "I told you not to go with the suit and tie…" He said, and Yuki eyed him with a incredulous expression.

"You should talk." Yuki chided gently, taking in Haru's attire; a tight black shirt and leather pants, covered in an ostentatious full-length white fur-trim trench coat, finished with a black spiked choker around his neck.

"What are you talking about?" Haru retorted with an impish grin. "I look totally badass and you know it." And Yuki just rolled his eyes at his roommate's childish behavior.

"You're just dressing like that to make a statement." Yuki's voice came blunt and to the point.

"Yeah…" Haru admitted, the smile never fading from his face. "The statement is 'screw him, I'll wear what I want'." Then Haru's expression suddenly turned serious as he looked deep into his roommate's eyes.

"You know…" Haru began, his voice coming low and gentle. "You don't have to dress like this for him. He doesn't deserve it."

"Who says I'm doing this for him?" Yuki asked, his tone hollow as he looked away from his roommate.

"No one has to say it, Yuki." Haru gently took Yuki's chin between his fingers, moving Yuki's face to make eye contact. "It's written all over your face." He whispered, and Yuki cursed under his breath that Haru would have to pick today of all days to be this observant.

"Just…" Haru continued, his expression becoming guarded as he spoke again. "Tell me you're okay…and mean it…" And Yuki couldn't really blame him for his concern.

The day Akito had passed away, Haru had returned to the apartment to find Yuki passed out on the floor with an empty bottle of vodka next to him and a bottle of aspirin clutched in his hand. Yuki tried to convince himself that he had only wanted to take care of one his chronic migraines, but in the back of his mind he couldn't be completely certain of what he had been planning to do that day. Looking into Haru's eyes, Yuki knew that this memory was still fresh in his mind as well, and Haru was still fearing the worst.

If Yuki were honest with himself, though, Haru's decision to place him on an unofficial suicide watch was beginning to get on Yuki's nerves. He knew that the constant supervision he had been placed under was of his own doing, but it made Yuki nervous…as if he had been hospitalized all over again. Yuki had tried to explain to Haru that he didn't really want to end his life, but Haru remained unconvinced…as did he. Taking a deep breath, and mustering all the conviction he could, Yuki attempted to give Haru what he really wanted.

"I'm okay…" Yuki whispered, even managing a small smile. "..really…" And he knew that he was trying to convince himself as much as Haru…all he needed was a little more time.

"I'm still not sure why you're doing this." Haru stated, his hand falling from Yuki's face. "It's not like you actually _have_ to go to the funeral. You don't owe him anything." And Yuki considered this for a moment.

"I'm not sure why I've decided to do this." Yuki answered honestly. "I'm not any stronger than I was, and nothing else has changed." His expression grew sad as he realized how true this actually was. "But all the same, this time I'm not going to run away. It's okay to feel weak sometimes." He whispered, his voice becoming almost fragile as he cast his gaze to the bathroom floor. "It's okay to be afraid. The important thing is that we face our fears. That's…" He paused, hesitation in his voice as he continued his attempt to explain his feelings to his roommate for the first time. "That's what makes us strong." And he realized he desperately needed this to be true…he needed to be feel strong.

Haru simply stared at him, watching every expression on his face with careful vigilance as he absorbed everything his roommate had just told him. In a sudden, graceful move Haru closed the gap, embracing Yuki in a tight hold that Yuki didn't even want to resist. Yuki rested his head on Haru's shoulder, allowing himself to relish the moment of quiet peace.

"I'll be with you every step of the way." Haru whispered, and Yuki simply nodded into Haru's shoulder.

"Alright." Haru stated, his voice clear and filled with conviction as he gently pulled Yuki away to look him in the eye once again. "Let's do this shit." He gave Yuki a nod, who simply smiled at his roommate's show of support.

Haru pivoted towards the bathroom mirror, grabbing Yuki's shoulders to do the same as they faced their reflections. He assessed both of them with a wide grin before he spoke confidently.

"We are just too damn beautiful for our own good." Then he feigned a dramatic, pouting expression. "It's tragic, really. The world doesn't know what to do with us." He sighed, and Yuki rolled his eyes before being blinded by a flash of light as Haru quickly pulled out a digital camera and snapped a picture of the two of them.

"What the hell?" Yuki stammered, taken off guard by Haru's sneak attack, and Haru gave him an innocent look.

"For posterity." Haru spoke, failing miserably at his attempt to hide the cheeky grin threatening to break across his face. "It's not every day you get to bury the devil...we need to commemorate this moment." And Yuki found himself struggling between the urge to slap his roommate across the face or burst into laughter.

"Come on." Haru said, practically dragging Yuki out of the bathroom. "We can't be late for the event of the century." And with that Haru led Yuki out of the apartment by the hand as Yuki's heart began to race…this was it.

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Gravity" by A Perfect Circle. One of the most amazing bands around. I highly recommend their music in general. I have listened to most of their songs, and have not been dissapointed yet.**


	18. Epilogue: Rain

**The time has come to say goodbye, my children. I have given you all of me, my heart as black as it may be, and I thank you for holding it gently with your kind words and support. Special thanks to Kon13, Whispers and Rain, and Theoneneverseennorheard for their constant support throughout the entirety of this epic story. And as with every chapter without exception to have a Kyo cameo, this final chapter is once again dedicated to Whisper's and Rain…the only Year of the Cat fan to hang with me despite my overwhelming, blatant, and somewhat violent dislike of Kyo. Live long and prosper, friend…for Kyo shall not…**

* * *

He stood silently, feeling the anchor of his hand placed in hers, keeping him grounded as the casket was lowered into the earth. Yuki felt a part of him slip down into the same earth, or was that simply a wish? Something he wanted to rid himself of, or just another desperate desire to escape the situation, Yuki couldn't quite separate the two. A gentle squeeze of his hand brought him back up to the surface again as he looked at the angel smiling up at him comfortingly. Yuki returned the smile, still not entirely willing to believe that she was really here with him. Then he noticed something else, as his gaze drifted past Tohru to the angry set of eyes glaring directly at him, and Yuki simply rolled his own in response as his gaze drifted back to the ground.

When Tohru had insisted on attending the funeral to support Yuki, he had fully expected the onslot of those around her following suit to ensure she would not be hurt again. He wouldn't have expected any less, but this was just bordering on ridiculous. Yuki felt the continuous, steady flames spewing from the other side of Tohru, and noticed that Kyo was gripping her other hand a little too possessively for his taste. He just let out a sigh, and found a small amount of solace in the thought that, in being at the funeral service of the devil himself with the woman of his dreams…and her boyfriend, there was no possible way that the situation could become _any_ more awkward. Then his gaze drifted to the other side of him, and Yuki watched as Haru wrapped himself around Rin from behind and rested his chin gently on the top of her head, and Yuki found that he stood corrected.

Taking a deep breath he glanced over at the reverend, who was indicating that it was time for Yuki to begin the elegy, and his stomach automatically lurched in a wildly nauseating spin. Akito was laughing at him all the way from hell, he just knew it, and forcing him to actively participate in the funeral service had been Akito's parting gift to completely humiliate him. Letting out the breath in a gentle sigh of resignation, Yuki parted his lips to give the last of himself to the person who had taken everything from him.

Take a photograph,  
It'll be the last,  
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,

Yuki closed his eyes, blocking out the fact that he was almost certain Haru was beginning to snicker at him.

I don't have a past  
I just have a chance,  
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

He tilted his head up slightly in response to a gentle sensation on his skin. Yuki opened his eyes to see that it was beginning to rain, and a bitter smile crossed his lips as he continued his lament. It figured that only the heavens themselves would defy Akito's wish that no one cry for him.

Rain, rain go away,  
Come again another day,  
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Yuki finished the elegy, refusing to proceed any further. It was over. There was nothing left to give. Yuki looked back at Tohru, who was gazing up at him in stunned amazement.

"Wow." She whispered quietly. "That was amazing." And Yuki couldn't help but chuckle.

"Not really." He admitted, and continued after taking in Tohru's confused expression. "Akito absolutely detested that song, so much so that he actively ensured that it never saw the light of day."

"But…why?" Tohru asked, completely confused. "It's so beautiful." And Yuki gave a gentle smile.

"Because it was one of the rare songs I wrote that wasn't about him…" He whispered, averting his gaze to the ground.

"Oh…" Tohru pondered this for a moment before asking her next question. "Then…who was it about?" And Yuki felt his heart sink at this question.

"It's about me…" He whispered, his voice almost inaudible over the growing rain. "Well…" He clarified. "About my past..."

"So, you really don't have a family?" She asked, remembering the words he had sung moments before, and Yuki just shook his head.

"No." He responded, keeping his gaze to the ground. "My mom past away when I was young." His voice trailed off as memories best kept in the dark involuntarily flooding his mind.

"My mom died when I was young too." Tohru whispered empathetically, squeezing his hand. "So…" She continued inquisitively. "What about your dad?" And Yuki flashed a brief look that immediately told her that this topic of conversation was off limits.

Yuki looked back up at the rain, letting it fall on his face, hoping it would wash away the memories of his past. With every loss he had endured he felt a sense of guilt and regret. He blamed himself for the loss of his mother. Yuki even felt a sense of guild and loss over the fate he had inflicted upon his father. Now, with Akito's death, Yuki found himself completely lost, a part of him dying in the process. He was a man broken…needing to learn to live again…something much easier said than done. His sad reverie was finally broken by a sweet voice, coming as gentle as the rain that was tenderly caressing the pale skin on his face.

"It's so beautiful" Tohru whispered, looking up at the sky with Yuki.

"Huh?" Yuki's voice came cautious…confused, as his gaze drifted back to her.

"The rain…It's beautiful." She exclaimed, her eyes meeting his. "It has to fall such a long way just to reach us." Her voice almost sounded sad, but Yuki also heard wonder and awe within it too. "That's all rain can do. Fall." And Yuki suddenly realized why he felt so connected to each drop of water that fell from the sky…at least he wasn't completely alone in his fall.

As the service came to and end, and the guests began to depart, Tohru excused herself to go find Ou and Hana. Yuki was faced with the awkward prospect of being left alone with Kyo, when he finally came face-to-face with his adversary. The two simply stared each other down, exchanging icy glares.

"Sohma." Kyo spat, causing Yuki's expression to harden.

"Kyonkichi." Yuki responded frostily as Kyo turned to walk away. "Hey!" He shouted after him, and Kyo turned back around to glare at him.

"What?" Kyo retorted gruffly, glowering at Yuki, before confusion flooded his face as he took in Yuki's expression.

"Thanks…" Yuki muttered, casting his gaze to the ground. "…for letting her come today…" His voice came low.

"Awe hell." Kyo grumbled under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck. "She would have come anyway." He spat "She does whatever the hell she wants, in case you haven't noticed. I couldn't have stopped her even if I wanted to." And at this Yuki let out a light chuckle.

"You know…" Yuki murmured, looking back at Kyo, his gaze burrowing into his long-time adversary. "I won't give up fighting for her." He stated, his words coming slow and deliberate. "I may be damned, but I'm not so far gone that I can't recognize an angel when I see one." Yuki continued, his next words coming careful as he took in Kyo's tense expression. "You may not understand this…and I doubt you would even care…but she saved my life…and…I won't give her up without one hell of a fight." He finished, remembering what he had endured when he had tried to leave her…knowing he would never survive if he had to let her go again.

"Well." Kyo's voice came level and even, completely surprising Yuki. "That's about the only damn thing I _do_ understand about you." He smirked, then extended his hand to Yuki. "I would say 'may the best man win' but we both know that would automatically disqualify you." And Yuki gave a small smile of agreement as he took Kyo's hand in a firm handshake of rivalry…the fight was on.

Yuki watched as Kyo walked over to Tohru, Ou, and Hanna, and for the first time Yuki felt as if he might be able move forward. Staying in the past, never moving forward, was all Yuki had ever known. The sheer idea that he even _had_ a future frightened Yuki, but a strange sense of hope washed over him like rain as he prepared to take those steps forward. He was taken off guard by the gruff arm that wrapped around his shoulder, and a scowl formed across his face as his eyes met his roommate's.

"Dude! Did you see Rin as the casket went into the ground?" Haru's voice was inappropriately exuberant for the setting, and before Yuki could respond he started again. " ...Really...You should've seen Rin. She went pale, then white, then worse pale. See it next time." His voice grew low and an impish grin played on his lips as he moved a little closer to Yuki's ear to whisper. "And her breasts grew again." And Yuki let out a low hiss.

"Really, Haru?" Yuki chided. "Your going to do this _now_? Making sexual commentary about a dead man's sister…at his _funeral_?" And Yuki found there weren't enough words to express his disgust. "Have you no shame?" Yuki spat, glaring at his roommate.

"None whatsoever." Haru beamed a proud smile at Yuki.

"Are you trying to lighten the mood, brag, or just start in on sexual harassment?" Yuki finished, completely baffled as to what his roommate was really up to, and Haru's expression became void as he considered Yuki's question for a moment.

"Can't it be all three?" Haru asked and Yuki let out a sigh, covering his face with his hand.

"You're such an ass, Haru." And Haru let out a chuckle as he pulled Yuki a little closer to him.

"So I've been told, man. So I've been told." He said, then his expression became a little more serious as he gave Yuki a side glance. "So…" His voice came low. "How are you doing…" He asked, and Yuki continued to stare off in the distance at the others as a slow smile crept across his face.

"I think I actually might make it." Yuki responded, his voice filled with guarded optimism, and Haru gave him a gentle smile.

"Come on." Haru's voice came calm as he began to lead Yuki away from the grave with his arm still around Yuki's shoulder. "I hear a rumor that the studio is throwing a huge-ass party after this." And Yuki chuckled despite himself, imagining Aktio rolling over in his freshly tilled grave. "There's going to be cake and everything." Haru continued with a smile.

Yuki gave one last glance over his shoulder, and met Tohru's innocent gaze in the distance. A sudden thrill filled his heart as she smiled at him, waving her hand in farewell. Yuki returned the smile…the first, honest smile he had ever really given as he raised his own hand to say goodbye. As they continued walking, Yuki thought about what he had told Haru earlier in the day, about how nothing had really changed. But in his heart Yuki began to wonder if that was really true…maybe, just maybe, _everything_ had changed.

**End?**

Whoa-oh

Oh,

Whoa-oh

Oh

Whoa-oh

I was looking for a breath of a life  
For a little touch of heavenly light  
But all the choirs in my head sang no oh oh oh

To get a dream of life again  
A little vision of the start and the end  
But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh

But I needed one more touch  
Another taste of heavenly rush  
And I believe, I believe it so oh oh oh

And I needed one more touch  
Another taste of divine rush  
And I believe, I believe it so oh oh oh

Whose side am I on?

Whose side am I?  
Whose side am I on?

Whose side am I?

And the fever began to spread  
From my heart down to my legs  
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh oh

And although I wasn't losing my mind  
It was a chorus so sublime  
But the room is too quiet, oh oh oh

Fever

I was looking for a breath of a life  
A little touch of heavenly light  
But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh

Fever

To get a dream of life again  
A little vision of the sun in the end  
But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh

Whoa-oh

Oh,

Whoa-oh

Oh

Whoa-oh

It's a harder way

And it's come to claim her  
And I always say,

We should be together  
And I can see below,

'Cause there's something in here  
And if you are gone,

I will not belong here

And I started to hear it again  
But this time it wasn't the end  
And the room is so quiet, oh oh oh oh

And my heart is a hollow plain  
For the devil to dance again  
And the room is too quiet, oh oh oh oh

I was looking for the breath of a life  
A little touch of a heavenly light  
But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh

* * *

**A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Rain" by Breaking Benjamin, and end lyrics are from the song "Breath of Life" by Florence + The Machine.**

**The concept and conversation between Yuki and Tohru about the rain was completely inspired and came from the amazing literary mind of OfAmethystEyes and her story "Falling Rain," which I highly recommend.**

**And if you are looking for more, go check out Kon13's "Battered But Not Broken" or Whispers and Rain's "Snow White"...there is still much fun to be had in that corner. Now...go away!**


End file.
